I have always been terrified of death. I have always equated heights and falling with death. I want to go skydiving because I feel it is my way of saying, I'm not scared anymore. Not saying, I want to die. Two totally different things. Just not letting the fear control me.
I have also always wanted a tattoo. I didn't want one just to be cool, or edgy, or just to say I have one. I wanted it to mean something. I just haven't figured out what image would mean something to me yet. But when I know, I'll know.
Because I love life, and want to be here to experience all its beauty. I also have the most angelic daughter and want to spend every moment with her that I can.
So when I retire I can be comfortable financially.
When you hear the words "You have cancer", your whole perspective on life changes. You are scared, of course. But once the initial shock wears off, you realize that you have a fight on your hands. You cannot just exist. In order to live, you must get up every day and deal with fatigue, tests, complications, headaches, nausea, hair loss, plus the demands of your life having nothing to do with cancer. I feel so blessed to have a good job, with good insurance, and amazing support from family and friends to help me fight this horrible disease. But I think about the people who have cancer and are struggling financially, or who don't have a good support network. I want to help them. In any way possible.
I want a partner to share my life with. Someone who I respect and admire. Someone who makes me laugh. Someone who gets me. Someone who I can spoil and shower with love. Someone who I can grow old with. Someone with nice eyes.
I am going through chemotherapy for stage 3 breast cancer. Cancer ain't for sissies. I have a lot of days where I feel really crappy. Thinking about Hawaii and having that be my "reward" for all this sickness helps me get through it.