Oh no Andrea, I'm so sorry to read that you and hubby are going through this.  My father had Lymphoma a couple of years ago and the last few scans have been clean.  Another scan coming up later this month.  Sending big positive thoughts your way, to you and your family.  I will be thinking of you tomorrow during the surgery, and for the months to come.  L&L

Andrea, this is a difficult time for you and your family. I am part ofa very powerful prayer group. Their prayers for me over the years have been nothing less than amazing! I'll add you and your family to their list.

Thank you so much Dawn and Iscales.  Both of your notes give me hope.  Happy to read here Dawn that your dad's scans have been clean and hoping that the one he faces later this month is the same. 

We've received the latest news.  Apparently, this is a highly aggressive form of Lymphoma and that's why they are moving so quickly.  The doc says the right Chemotherapy treatments will give him a 50/50 chance.  Once we get past these tests and biopsies, we're facing six months of Chemo.  The following three years will be critical, but I know that we'll get through it and come through this wilderness experience  to a rainbow.  All that positive energy and powerful prayers are so greatly appreciated.  Thank you so much.

Andrea, my thoughts are with you and your family at this time. Your spirit and determination will be key to your maintaining a positive mindset. I know of your great resilience and I have no doubt you will be the rock your family requires, but at times when you need to just vent and express your fear, we will be here for you as will all who love you.

Thanks Bill.  Your kind words give me strength and hope.  

Ok, so lymph node removal is finally underway.  A bit delayed but underway nonetheless. Because of a very mild sleep-apnea issue, they've decided on a local instead of a general anesthesia.  I know I couldn't do it with my zero pain threshold.  Stubborn man ... insisted on going to the hospital on his own this morning despite a rough night with fever and night sweats, a horrific cough and a speen more than double it's normal size.  He went dehydrated and weak too (probably unwise, but the docs said it was ok) and thankfully, only had to wait a couple of hours in a very overcrowded emergency room to get hooked into the iv.  At this time, he's feeling much more comfortable.  Hoping he'll be home for kids soccer this evening, but it's unlikely and even if he is, he'll probably just want to rest. Taking many phone calls and e-mails from friends and family who all send love, prayers and best wishes.  I am very thankful for everyone's offers of prayers, support and assistance with the kids.  

Andrea, our love and prayers are with you every minute. You are so strong and your positive outlook has been your guide throughout your life, now is no different. I fully believe that the early detection and action will make a huge difference and though it is not easy, you all will be OK. I wish I could give you all a great big hug. Thinking all the positive thoughts I can. And I have a LOT! xoxo

Thanks so much Shea.  I appreciate the messages both of you have sent along with all the other support we've been receiving.  These notes of encouragement have really made a difference with keeping my attitude and outlook upbeat and cheerful.  I hope you'll keep them coming ; )   

ECG and Bone marrow sample done today.  Very very painful procedure but we're both happy to have those big steps behind us now.  Now the doctors have what the need to figure out the best possible treatment to work against the cancer and we'll be off to the races once that gets underway.  Apparently, with this type of lymphoma, quick treatment is a key factor to survival so, the faster he can begin, the better.     

Ok, Day 4 since the bomb was dropped on our family and we've made some great strides. The two largest proceedures are behind us now.  There was no testing scheduled for today so hubby's been able to get a bit of rest.  Did I mention he was a stubborn man??  He insisted on keeping his appointment with a client forty five minutes away.  He wasn't hearing any of the persuading and bribing I was trying to do to discourage him from going.  He at least checked with his doctors to make sure his spleen wasn't in danger of rupturing along the way.  They assured him (and me) it was safe for him to drive - even with the holes he has in his body from the two surgeries.  Boy, I am a real whimp.  More good news about this situation, it's happening to Hubby (the strongest of our family) and not to one of our children.  If I'm this much of a wreck with it happening to Hubby, I'd likely need to be institutionalized if it were a child.  I just checked the schedule - next up on deck is a gallium scan injection.  We don't have to worry about that until Monday so instead of researching it, I'm going to put it out of my mind until Sunday evening and enjoy this weekend as best as I can with my family.  I've promised Hubby to stay off the internet and not research Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma either. His time away from the house today did provide an opportunity for me to have a wonderful visit with a good friend.  It's amazing how vital human connection is.  After a nice coffee and chat with Tina (who just "dropped everything when she heard the news and came over to get a hug" she said), I feel like a new woman who can take on the challenges of this crazy thing... and believe that we're going to win.   I've been affected by cancer in an indirect way over the past few years, but this isn't just 'close to home' it's right in my home.  There really is a lot to be said about it not just affecting the patient but affecting everyone around the patient.  I need to get more sleep to be more supportive for him and for my kids.  I'm finding I can't sleep at night and I have little patience for the kids right now.  I feel really guilty about that too as none of this is their fault at all.  Early to bed for me tonight for sure.

Was able to get a better sleep last night.  Yay.  Am facing this day with renewed strengh and optimism.  First task:  change the dressing on the incision sites.  Gulp.

Frank had a relatively good night last night and is trying to get some work done today.  He figures the more he can get done before the Chemo starts, the better off we'll all be.  I've been working on getting the details of my own website together.  Have postponed the meeting I'd had scheduled with the designer until later on in the month.  The kids have one week of camp left at the end of August and right now are intent on tearing apart the basement and building forts and hideouts.  Outside today for them now that the weather has cleared up a bit to give Frank some peace while he works.  

Oh yeah, I forgot, we've started a 'fridge list' to keep us focused on all the things we want to do once this is over:  Greece, Jamaica, Atlantis - Bahamas have made the list so far.  

Hey dear - sending many warm hugs your way from out in CO.  Keep that fridge list going - great idea (though Atlantis is WAY overpriced!) ... :) I am a living example of that adage that we are never given more than we can handle. You are stronger than you think.  MUCH stronger than you think.  Deep breaths.  (I never got to use the Lamaze breathing during childbirth - had c-sections - but it sure has come in handy since!) Find your center and focus on being calm and collected and caring ... do that every day and then go forward.  It sounds like you have a great community holding you tightly.  Relax and let us hold you up when you need it. I can't take the cancer away but know that you will do the best you all can do to fight against it. I wish you all only good things - knowing doctors and nurses, effective treatments, patience and peace of mind.  Sending hugs to you - xo

 Hi Les, thank you so much for your kind note.  I apprecatie your message of strength.  It gives me hope and courage.  I know you understand.  Ok, happy about the tip regarding Atlantis.  That one was for the kids.  Maybe we'll check out something else to put up on the fridge.  Suggestions anyone??

Fridge ideas for a trip ... kid-style: Disney cruise, Disney World, one of the turtle hatchery beaches in Florida or the gulf coast, Great Smoky Mountains ... ask THEM!  Sometimes the best vacations are nearby! One year we were thinking of a cruise and all my kids wanted to do was do a stay-cay ... mini golfing one day, a trip to the zoo the next, up late eating diner food at midnight and star gazing the next, sleeping out in the tent (all of us) in the backyard (dogs and all!) ... etc! It was GREAT! (And though Atlantis is an amazing place - for 2 hours - if you don't want to spend $8 USD for a bottle of water ... go elsewhere as there are a LOT of other places far better and less expensive!) 

Andrea, hope this morning is bringing you some peace. There are so many wonderful things you can all look forward to, and I'm happy to see you're using that special gift you have for finding the positive. It makes a huge difference, I know you know that. I'm thinking of you and wishing you love and strength.

Thanks ladies. Your notes of encouragement are so greatly appreciated.  Les, we did go on one of the Disney cruises a couple of years back.  Absolutely phenomenal experience, not an inexpensive one either, I might add.  Thank you so much for your suggestions.  Love them. Hope you'll keep your notes coming as they all lift my spirits.  Last evening was another rough one.  The nights seem to be the biggest challenge for him as his energy levels are quite low at this time.  We're hoping his Chemo treatmens will start soon.  The good news is, he still seems to have a sense of humour about all of this for a lot of the time and when I'm down, he's strong and vice versa.  We'll know more once his testing resumes on Monday.  I believe his parents will come to stay with us at some point this week to help out with the kids while we head back and forth to the hospital.  

Thinking of you ...

I've been thinking of you guys all weekend and I just wanted you to know I'm sending positive vibes your way as you start a new week.

Before you do anything else, I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath ... yes, right now! Breathe in like you are smelling flowers and breathe out, nice and slowly, like you are blowing out a candle. Do it.

Let your body relax and then go forward with your day.You will feel rejuvenated in spirit and able to concentrate on what is important in your day. Let all petty things go by the wayside and be open to the positivity that is flowing to you from your family and friends - in all directions - to your kids, to Frank, to you. Visualize your rainbow valley and know that it is out there in front of you. It is attainable. Let go of what is not important and put your energy and focus on what is.

Be calm. Be centered. Be open.

Sending hugs your way ... xoxo les

Hi Andrea,

I am  thinking of you as you start your week.  ---sending hugs and kisses to you and your family. Remember "bring about what you think about", stay positive and think about all those things you and your family are going to do when Frank beats this.

xoxoxoxoxo

Les, I think you were sent into my life by the angels.  Thank you so much.  Focusing on family, charished friends, my kids, health and faith.  Visualizing the rainbow valley.  

Another rough night but we made it through.  Frank's fever is very high and won't come down. He didn't sleep much at all and was up throughout the night numerous times.  The doctor warned that if this began to happen, we're to head to emergency.  Getting the kids fed and dressed and heading there once Frank's showered.  He is up for a gallium scan injection today which is an injection of radioactive material that will travel through the blood and will collect in his bones and organs.  They'll have him back to do a scan to find out where all the Cancer is in the next couple of days.    Off to the races we go.

 SweetCheeks - thanks for your encouragement.  Will absolutely be thinking about only positive things.  Appreciate your best wishes and thinking of all of you guys too.

Good Morning Andrea!  Thought I would post here for you along with facebook!  Best of luck today!  Please let me know if you need anything, my thoughts are prayers are with you all.

take care

Andrea, all our good thoughts are coming your way. I can't imagine how rough this feels, I just hope you'll let us know if there's anything we can do for you and your family. Take each day and find the best moment you can to hold onto. xoxo

Hey Rhonda, it's so great to see you back on this site.  Thank you for checking in on me and thanks so much for your well-wishes today too Shea.  The Gallium injection is now behind us.  Tomorrow is a CT scan and the day after the gallium scan itself.  Apparently, this is when they'll see how much of his insides light up with the cancer and will determine the staging and hence, the best Chemo treatment.  Here's to hoping for the best with all of that. As the back and forth to the hospital is going to increase over the next little while, I believe Frank's parents will come to stay with us for a few days on Wednesday to help out with the kids.  They are scheduled in camp next week, so that'll help too.  We were hoping that Chemo would start on Thursday, but it's looking like that may just be delayed until next week as Frank's Oncologist, as well as the Oncologist covering for him, are both away this week.  Amazing eh??    

HI Ange ... thinking of you both all day. Hoping that it went well and that another test behind you.  Stay focused and positive, Frank will be on the right treatment soon and hopefully feeling  a bit  better. Please keep me posted and call anytime you need us. !! Sending  you and Frank our love and prayers - keep staying strong ... kristyne

 Hi Andrea, I just read your message to me on facebook and my prayers and heart go out to both you and Frank.  I will be keeping both of you in my thoughts and send you postive vibrations every day.  Stay strong and hopeful that everything will work out for the good for you and the children.  

Love and positive wishes

Jacquie

Hello Andrea,

Being a nurse, I have seen the wonders of modern medicine and also the amazing strength a family can have during the darkest of times. As time passes and Hubby begins his treatments, try to align yourself with his nurse and let her be one your sounding boards. She is there for you and your family, as well as Hubby Frank. Her knowledge will give you power over the unknown, alleviating some of your fears. If Frank's night temps continue, don't hesitate to try the tepid baths that we all do for the children with temps. Once he is in it, begin adding cold water slowly as he can tolerate it for fever relief. This works for sick Hubbies, too. He might actually be able to relax a bit afterward.

With the onset of the restless nights, you will need to alter your sleep pattern, as well. Try to take a little time during the day for yourself and take a sleep break. Also, don't forget, your doctor is a great resource for you. Let him/her know what is happening and how you are effected by the situation. I am so sorry you and your family have been effected by this upsetting illness, but I believe your Hubby and those doctors will attack aggressively and see this through to success. If you know a massage therapist, ask her to participate in the plan. Both you and Hubby could benefit from this treatment for relaxation and relief of discomfort. Invite her to come into your home to help. This has been shown to greatly improve the quality of day to day during the course of the illness.

Take good care of yourself, as you will be the pivotal person for Frank and the children for a time. My prayers are for you and your family and I'm here if I can help in any way. Until tomorrow, hugs to you, Andrea.

Hi There,

Have been thinking about you guys all week and praying for the best results for Frank.  Some great advice from EP, now is the time you really need to be vocal and not afraid to ask for what you need, for you, Frank and the kids  in order to get through this difficult journey.  Hope you have a better night tonight. xoxo

Thank you so much for your kind wishes everyone.  Krissy, I just checked your page and I know you have a succes story to publish.  I know many of us would love to see the pictures from your trip to Vegas and Grand Canyon Helitour.  I hope you'll share.  Jacqueline, I appreciate your note so much.  I's so great to see you guys back on this site too.  EP, thanks for joining the conversation and passing along your words of advice.  I know I'll use them and I believe I know someone who might be able to help us out with the relaxation massage you suggest as well.  I'm sure I can convince her to come to our home if she's not too busy.  This is fantastic advice.  Sweet Cheeks, appreciate your note and thoughts and prayers too.  I will definitely talk to the doctors and nurses more once his treatments start.  We're still in the testing phase too.  Thanks for checking in.  

The other evening, Frank had to drink this nasty smelling stuff called Gastrografin.  It's just a contrast medium containing iodine and is used to help things show up on x-rays more clearly.  He had a challenge keeping that down.  Yesterday, he had to take more and then have a CT scan.  He's not loving that stuff at all, but from what we understand, he'll have to build up a bit of a tolerance for it as it'll be in his future for awhile.  His spirits are up even though the evenings are difficult for him with fever, night sweats and a lot of cramping. Tonight, new plan based on EP's advice... draining some of the water from the hot tub and adding cool water to see if some hydrotherapy under the stars might help us both out a bit.   The bandaging is off from both of his surgery sites and all looks good there.  At this time, it's important for him to avoid contracting any other illnesses as his ability to fight off infection is so diminished.  Not a good time for me to have an eye infection and need to visit the walk-in clinic (which is such an incredibly sterile environment.)  No worries though - perseverance and a lot of hand washing all around and we'll get through it.  He was able to make Adam's soccer game last night and I believe he intends on hitting Nina's this evening.  He had plans to cut the grass (did I mention I have a stubborn husband) but as the day wore on and increased in heat, he's thankfully decided to hold off until the weekend.  He refuses to let me ride the mower or have someone else come at this time.  A very caring neighbour brought over a homemade blueberry pie this morning (blueberry is Frank's favourite) and watching him eat a little was like watching a kid get his first taste of chocolate.  We're blessed with incredible friends and relatives who continue to show their love and consideration to us with messages of hope and acts of kindness. Thanks again.  Tomorrow - another scan first thing in the morning and hopfully, more bloodwork to monitor his white and red blood cell counts and his platelets.  

Just back from Emerg.  Had to take hubby there because his temperature wouldn't come down.  Probably the best place for him right now.  Thankfully, Irene was able to come to watch the kids at a split seconds' notice.  Just waiting for my sister to come up (she's about 45 minutes away) to stay with them so I can return to either stay with him or bring him home for the night.  Whew.  I know Frank is disappointed.  Tonight was the first soccer game of the summer that he had to miss because he was feeling so crappy.  Natalina played an amazing game.   

 New info:  sis is here and I'm off to the hospital to join Frank.  They did a bunch of blood work and are awaiting results.  The bone marrow sample came back clean - yay!!  Not so positive news about the lymph nodes they took.  Apparently something strange showed up in those and they've sent them down to Toronto for further analysis.  Not so yay.  Ok, on my way.

Andrea, hang in there. I'm sure you're getting fatigued, make sure you're getting enough rest. xoxox

Wishing you a peaceful night ... just thinking of you and hoping you had a decent day and that Frank was feeling better.  You'll have the results soon of all the tests and scans  ... deep breaths and don't worry about them until you have concrete news ... nothing you can do at the moment anyway. Focus on your kids and Frank ... and you! Breathe. Laugh. Hug. xo

Thanks again ladies.  Yep - getting fatigued.  Thankfully, little sis swooped in and saved the day.  She took the kids to the park yesterday and treated them all to McDonalds while Frank and I were able to get a much needed rest after the long night we'd had at emerg the night before.  Blood work came back indicating stabilization - more yay.  Frank actually made it out last night to Adam's soccer game.  Frank's parents are here and will stay for a few days in case we need more trips to the hospital.  Nothing like Nonna's cooking.  Unfortunately, Frank's not eating much of anything.  More blood work scheduled for Monday and Oncology appointment for Tuesday.  

Andrea, I am shocked to hear this news!   I was just up there and everyone seemed healthy and happy.

It sounds like he is getting good care and I hope that continues.  Don't be afraid to ask questions and demand answers from his health care team.  Having had many relatives fight cancer, and other serious conditions, I can tell you that things may happen that you don't understand or don't agree with.  It will be up to you to push for what you believe is right.  Don;t be afraid to have your voice heard.  If you need help with anything Mark's sister is a great resource for anything cancer related.  Just let me know.

Having said that, it seems to be the people with a positive attitude and good support network that pull through the best.  Keep doing what you do so well. 

And don't be afraid to give the kids more info about what is doing on.  They can handle more than you think and you won't be as stressed trying to always "be happy" when they are around.  When my mom suffered the ruptured brain anuerysm last year the first think I told Ben was that Grandma was very sick and it might be her time to go be wtih God (of course her odds of survival was much less that 50/50....we had a whole lot of people praying for her.).  Then I took him to the hospital to visit with her (just in case it was the last time he would have a chance too).  I think it was good for him to know how sick she was,  It has helped him understand why she has been so weak and cannot do everything that she use to.   This is just my opinion though.  I know people questioned why I would take a 4 year old into the neuro ward of a hospital.

By the way, Mark saw a last minute travel deal through Travel Zoo last month to Atlantis.  I don't remember the price, but it was very cheap.

Take it one day at a time and don't be worrying about the future.  Give Frank a hug for me.

I know it has been said before, but, God does not give us more than we can handle, and, everything happens for a reason even if we cannot see that reason until well into the future.

See you soon

Thanks so much Deb - it's great to read these messages of support.  They really do boost my spirits.  I'll definitely keep your words of advice in mind when we meet with the Oncologist on Tuesday.  I'm hoping he'll keep that appointment because the results from pathology on the lymph nodes may not be back yet.  Keeping my fingers crossed for that.  Frank had another terrible night last night.  He was unable to get much sleep because of fever and pain. He's reluctant to take the pain medication the doctor prescribed when he was at emerg.  He did get a two and a half hour nap today though and seems to be doing better now.  He's lost nearly 20lbs in just two weeks.  He keeps mentioning that as a positive though. : )

Wow....in any other situation losing 20 pounds would be great.  He will need it though to get him through chemo.  I remember my step dad (who was really thin to start with) being told to gain weight before he started.  It doesn't make everyone sick though.  My aunt was hardly affected by it.  I understand the medication itself has been improved over the past couple of years.  It is apparently more effective with less side effects.

Anyway, it is great that the bone marrow test was clear.  I hope the results from the pathology tests on the lymph nodes also give positive news.

Tell Frank not to be a hero.  Take the meds.  Will help him rest, which will help him fight the disease.

Thinking of you all as you get ready to start your new week of uncertainty and appts. Why is Frank reluctant to take the pain meds? He really needs to as it'll help on so many levels ... give him the chance to rest, when the body isn't fighting pain it can concentrate on other issues, it'll help him feel better so he feels more like eating which will help with nauseau and strength and weight loss.

The thing we found out most with Tim is that if you are behind on pain meds - it's really hard to "catch up" ... your body is always fighting it.  If you can get the pain under control that is a HUGE issue.

Ask the doctors if he needs to be on a special diet ... or if there are supplements he can/should take at this time? A bunch of small meals - grazing - might be better for him.  You'll find out soon enough how he tolerates whatever program he is put on and whatever meds that are a part of it. Some people feel tired - others are really sick - some a combo of both.  Gatorade or something with electrolytes is good to have on hand.  Crackers - sour candies - broth soups - plain noodles.  Tim was NEVER sick - just tired. And he said that some of the medication altered the taste of things - so things that he wanted just didn't taste GOOD. He slept the first WEEK after chemo ... to me it was scary ... cuz it was all new and I didn't know what to expect ... but it was what his body needed to do.  You guys will find what Frank's body needs to do. But if you have some stuff on-hand, that might be a good thing. Get those meds in him - the best thing he can do now for ALL of you. It'll help him sleep ... and let YOU rest, too. Sending hugs - xo

Speaking of diet, I read a couple of months ago that a vegetarian diet will prevent and reverse cancer.  Now, I don't know anyone that has tried it but the article stated that studies showed if you consume less than 20% of your protein from meat sources that it had this affect.  It is worth thinking about.

Ben goes through phases where he either loves or hates meat so I have gotten use to finding other protien sources for him.  Quinoa is great.  It is a grain and I think is suppose to be a rice substitute but he eats it pretty much every day as a cereal, sometimes mixing it with dried cranberries or frozen blueberries which makes it a little sweeter.  Goji berries are also a good source of protien and great for snacking on, as are nuts.  I don't know if Frank would consider spouts but they are very healthy and a good source of protien, and they are easy to make.

sending you and your family positive thoughts and prayers during this challenging time. Keep those spirits alive my dear! you are a strong woman, but be sure to ask for help and also take some time for yourself to reflect and gain the strength for what lies ahead!

Fridge list - awesome idea...keep it up, and have fun with it. Sending you hugs. H.

 Thanks ladies.  I appreciate your tips and suggestions, guidance and support so much.  Frank is currently outside riding the lawn mower - not sure why he won't let my brother in law do it.  Did I mention he was a stubborn man.  Les - I'm totally going to chat with him about managing his pain - everything you've written makes sense to me.  Deb - we love quinoa.  I need to become a better cook... fast.  And learn how to ride the mower.  Heather, thanks so much for checking in on me.  You guys are great.  Have been adding to the frige list almost daily.  At this time Frank's sense of smell is wonky - very heightened and making things taste different.  He wants to eat things and then when he does, he'll feel crappy and then regret it.  We've been sticking to clear soups and veggies and fruit - in very small amonts.  A bit of pasta.  Thankfully, all four kids are in camp this week - the house is blissfully quiet while he mows and I run around trying to tidy and clean.  

www.thatsfit.ca is a great source for recipes and information on healthier eating.  Actually there is a ton of information available on the internet at a number of sites, but I think this one is my favorite for easy, healthy recipes.

Thanks for the resourse Deb.  Will check it out for sure when I have some time.  Lorra, this is for you because I believe you check on here too... you're an awesome friend too.  Thank you so much for dropping by today with the Noni Juice.  I did some research and was absolutely amazed.  We truly are blessed with amazing friends.   Looking forward to our appointment with the Oncologist tomorrow.  Heading there armed with a list of questions and keeping my fingers crossed that those results from Toronot are in and conclusive and that a treatment plan will start soon.  

Hi Ange

Just wanting to let you know that I was thinking of you all today and reading your blog to catch up. I cannot believe Frank is out cutting the lawn. He should be resting. Please let him know to call us whenever he is ready to relinquish some jobs around the home.  Glad you were able to get a quieter day around the home with the kids at camp. Hope they had a great day.  Wanting to wish Frank all the best tomorrow with his appointment with the Oncologist. Will call tomorrow evening to see  how everything went. Sending hugs kisses and love your way - XO Krissy

Hey Kris, thanks for the note.  Just got in.  Frank's resting now.  The lymph node pathology is not back yet and should take a few more days - the latest a week (sheesh).  Based on the results of the other tests though, the Oncologist has changed what he thinks this lymphoma is.  He's thinking now that it's either a stage 3S Hodgkins type (to be determined) - this would be a good thing as it's apparently the most common and easily treatable.  On the other hand, it could also be a nasty non-Hodgkins T Cell lymphoma - which we are keeping our fingers crossed that it is not.  Staging is the same - 3S.  Good news too:  all other testing was clean and there are no issues with Franks heart or lungs, and therefore, nothing stopping them from starting a chemo treatment as soon as they identify what has invaded his body's cells.  Waiting now for a phone call from the doc that the results are in and hoping for the lesser of the two evils.    

Fingers crossed....prayers said......and hopefully you get the news this week.

Hi Andrea - I'm praying for you and your Family that the news will be good this week. I'm very interested in some of the comments on here re: dietary suggestions. It's absolutely true that alot of the animal protein we eat really stresses the body (particularly the digestive and circulatory systems). I had a herniated stomach 2 years ago and had a portion of my stomach removed. I have no choice - I have to "graze" all day long, but it actually is a much healthier way of eating. When a group of us go out for dinner, I'm always the last one still eating, and I'm a wasted date at a buffet - no more Mandarin for me! Make sure Frank gets his rest - the lawn can wait! Try and stay positive and thanks for suggesting this page to me - XO Maggie

 Hey Mags, thanks for checking in.  So sorry to read about your herniated stomach.  How does something like that happen?  Yes, smaller more frequent meals are the way to go for sure.  Not a big loss about the Mandarin not being for you anymore - those 'All You Can Eat' places are just over the top unless we can exercise some serious control.  We only go there as a special treat - like the kids' birthday or something.  Thank you so much for your comments.  Hope you enjoy the rest of the site too.  It's a great place to browse around.  I look forward to reading your goals and stories too.

Ok, so we're making progress.  Kind of.  Very frustrating process this dealing with cancer thing is.  The panel of oncologists reviewing Frank's case can't seem to agree on exactly which type of lymphoma he has.  The good news is, none of them think it's that nasty T-Cell non-Hodgkin's type.  Whew.  They are thinking now it's a rare Nodular Lymphocyte Predominant Hodgkins Lymphoma.  I'm afraid to look this up - just because the name alone sounds terribly intimidating.  I may have to brave it.  We've been told it's a treatable type and they've got him scheduled for a pic line insertion early Monday morning.  So that's progress.  We're still awaiting more results from further testing to confirm the thoughts of the 'panel'.  No chemo can begin until they all agree.  Looks like nothing will progress now until next week.  This waiting for the phone to ring with good news is no fun at all.  Ok, so I'm pulling out the positives here:  we've dodged the nasty T-cell bullet, his staging could be worse (althought if treatment doesn't start soon, he may just be facing Stage 4 anyway), once the pic line is in, he'll be ready to begin and we'll be into the next phase of the battle...  Which I KNOW he'll win.  Our friends and family have continued to rally and pull for Frank and for us and for this, we are extremely grateful.  It's like everyone has virtually wrapped their arms around us and this really does make a difference.  Thank you once again.  

Hi Andrea

I was checking in to see if you had heard anything.  Glad the news you have received so far is positive and it is good that the pic line is going in.   If they know he is going to need chemo it is too bad they can't just start giving it to him.....although I know the specific concoction will depend on his exact condition.  Sounds like he is getting close though, and that has got to be good. 

How are you doing?

6:45 AM and up with all the kids, a quick breakfast and packed everyone into the van to get hubby to the hospital for 7:35 for his Picc Line insertion.  It's very difficult to watch him become weaker and more pale each day.  It's frustrating too not being able to do anything to help him improve physically at this time.  Man, this gives me a completely new perspective on the job nurses face each day.  Sticking with just tyring to keep him as comfortable as can be, heading off the kids when they're about to errupt and trying to keep everyone's spirits up.  They've given him some very strong medication to stave off the fevers, but it's like there's always a monster just broiling under the surface of that medication and he waits to attack while Frank's sleeping.  He doesn't seem to be able to get that deep restful sleep anymore.  Keeping fingers crossed that Chemo starts today or tomorrow.

Andrea, fingers crossed for you all that treatment starts soon and that it's quick and uneventful. I know this doesn't feel good right now, you're such a powerful person when you use all of your will and experience to change your circumstances. It's awful that this is one thing that is out of your hands. But I believe your will and your experience will help you find the strength to get done with this brief (!) diversion from your happy life and you will be right back where you belong, sharing your positive vibes. I'm turning them right back on you from Boston. Just keep your chin up and rest YOUR body, too. That will help in keeping your emotions level in times when you feel out of control. xoxoxxo

Thinking about you Andrea.  Our prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.  Keeping our fingers crossed for Frank.

xoxoxo

Shea, I think your words of strength and encouragement were exactly what I needed to read at this very moment.  Thank you so much.  Sheila, thanks for chekcing in too.  I appreciate everyone's support so much.  Frank's picc line is in and we're expecting a nurse to come by the house later on to teach us what we need to know about caring for it.  He's actually on an appointment right now with a client... working still when he feels like he can.  He swears it helps him cope and that moving from the bed to the living room to the computer is driving him bonkers... so, off he went this morning.  Gorgeous gorgeous perfect sunny day here - I'm taking that as a good omen and believing we're going to get news today for sure.  

I'm sure you will, Andrea. All will be exactly as it's supposed to unfold. Flying blind is not my specialty at all, and I'm sure you're feeling uncomfortable in a way that's so unfamiliar. Just breathe your way through the moments and take heart in the fact that Frank still feels strong enough to get out in the world. Sun on his face will give him strength, too, as he will take that energy and realize he's got what it takes to beat this. Just a little at a time, moment to moment. Be patient with yourselves. It is in the hands of Someone who knows what the @#$%&*$&^* is going on. :)

Thanks so much Shea.  Appreciate that and you're sooo right - flying blind is absolutely NOT my specialty either.  We're still in limbo land right now.  I did call the Oncologist Nurse again this morning to try to follow up because even after 4 kids and a set of twins, my patience has really run thin with being in the dark like this.  Tomorrow it will be a week since they decided to do this one more test and I can't quite grasp why it takes nearly a week for the result from one test. The only thing I keep thinking about is that perhaps he failed that test in some way and the cancer is just creeping, seeping and spreading further and further into his body as we sit here and wait and wait.  The nights are a challenge with the fevers and sweats still plaguing Frank and not letting him get into that deep restful sleep that I'm thinking would be so important and helpful at this time when he's weak, exhausted and in pain.  There have been sooooo many nights that I can think of over the past ten years since the kids have come along that I've cursed his snoring vehemently - especially when I've come back to bed in the middle of the night after taking care of a child and can't fall back to sleep to save my life despite bone deep exhaustion... last night, when I heard him snoring for the first time in nearly three weeks, I had to have a little internal party dance.  I swear, snoring has never sounded more like music to my ears and I just lay there thanking God for his snoring. Amazing.  At this time, we're still just waiting and hoping we receive word from Oncology today or early tomorrow with a definitive diagnosis so treatment can begin before the long weekend.  

Hey dear ... small blessings! Take them where you can find them! :)  I know this waiting game is difficult because it gives your mind time to wander and you conjure up all the "what if's" and all the bad case scenarios play out in your head ... and you think that the cancer, as you said, is creeping, seeping and spreading ...

Deep breaths.  Cancer "usually" doubles every 90 days. That is normal. Another few days of them pinpointing their diagnosis and determining the BEST avenue of treatment, really is not going to make a big difference to Frank ... as far as the cancer advancing. It MIGHT, however, make a big difference in the treatment he receives as they need to determine what they are dealing with to make sure the chemo cocktails and other treatments are spot on for this type of cancer - which is the most important thing. There is not one type of cancer and each type varies per person so every treatment is an individualized process. VERY difficult to determine and if they are working with something on the rare side, then the process is a bit more difficult, as well.  But they're working on it! I know Limboland is not a good place to be ... far from it's nice sister, Disneyland!  It's scary and uncomfortable and you are stuck waiting. I'm sorry. Again, deep breaths.

If it'll help you might want to rub Frank's back at night and repeat a mantra ... I used to brush off Tim's back with my hands (when the neuropathy wasn't too bad) and tell him, as he was falling asleep, that all the bad stuff in him was being replaced by healthy, happy cells and that all the cancer was just being brushed off into the night where it couldn't hurt anyone.  The universe was receiving it and replacing only good things in him. And who knows if it "worked" somehow - it made him relax (good thing), fall asleep faster (good thing) and he was with us longer than expected (really a good thing) ... so, sometimes what might seem ridiculous can bring great comfort.  If nothing else - it gave us another sense of peace and control over a situation that was way beyond peacefulness or us having any control over.

Remember YOUR plan isn't necessarily THE plan ... trust that all will be okay.  Have faith that whatever will be will be for the best - no matter what.  In the Christmas movie "Miracle on 42nd Street" the best line was, "Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to."  Have faith that Frank will come through the end of all this in that rainbow valley.  That you all will be fine.  The journey is not always easy - but it is worthwhile.  Trust in that. Have faith when common sense tells you not to. 

I am sending you hugs of strength and peace. Be patient (easier said than done) ... you'll get your answers when they are available.  In the meantime, make Frank comfortable, you guys get as much rest as you can and make sure you get some laughter into your days.

Sending you my best ... xoxoxo les

Andrea,  my heart fell when I saw your post.  I am so sorry your family is having to deal with this.  The "not knowing" is truely the worst part of dealing with illness I think.  Once you know exactly what you are dealing with, and  have the course of treatment plan, part of your anxiety due to lack of control will be eleviated. I hope you have all those answers very soon. 

I am playing in a hockey tournament for the Lukemia and Lymphoma society in a few weeks.  I do it for my good friend Veneeta, and now I do it for you and Frank. Take care of you, so you can be strong for him.

lots of love, Robin

Hi Andrea,

Checking in to see how you, Frank and the kids are doing.  Hoping and praying for the best possible results for Frank.  Know that we are thinking of you often.

xo

WoooHOOO - we are officially leaving Limboland and off to the next phase of the journey: CHEMO.  It turns out when all hope was lost for the day, Frank's Oncologist came through for us and finally finally confirmed that it is NLPHL (what they thought it was).  Thankfully, we are not having to endure a long weekend in the dark.  This is better news than the Large B-Cell (I think) and the T-Cell one they thought it might be.  Chemo starts tomorrow and I never thought in a million years I'd see myself type this... but OMG THANK YOU for Chemo!  At least we have a direction and can head toward the light and hopfully stop this from continuing to invade his body.  Meeting with our Oncologist tomorrow morning early before the 10:00AM Chemo appointment and hopefully, will have more answers then.  It looks like it'll be two week rotations instead of three and between six and eight months of treatment.  Off to bed now.  Early morning and thankfully, a beloved friend has agreed to come to watch the kids for the day here at the house.  Have I mentioned how blessed I am that way?  Thank you Tina!!  You are a lifesaver in a pinch considering we had to scramble to pull together childcare.  

Well, what an experience that was.  Not loving the Chemo right now, but I am still thankful that treatment has begun.  We had to meet the Oncologist at the hospital early this morning for a consultation before treatment was able to commence.  A big thank you to Tina and her beautiful daughter who came to stay with the kids on such short notice. Once hubby was all settled into a very comfortable looking chair, a pile of documentation and a mountain of information was passed along to us covering everything from possible side effects and maintaining a healthful diet to preventing muscle atrophy as well as complimentary therapies and access to support and a social worker. There is more information here than what I read in my entire first year of university.  Very overwhelming amount.  We were also given some unexpected news about the reality of the odds hubby's facing.  The type of lymphoma we're dealing with requires four kinds of chemotherapy.  Three of those types of chemo were well-tolerated today.  The fourth was not.  The helplessness I felt watching the steady decline of hubby's health over the past four weeks did absolutely nothing to prepare me for the reaction he had to that fourth treatment.  For now, they are eliminating that type of chemo from his treatment plan and hopefully, he doesn't have 'Rigors' in a couple of weeks time when he's up for round two.  Quite shocking.  Had to leave him at the hospital in the care of his nurses and doctor.  They want to continue to monitor his fever and blood pressure now that the violent shaking and chills have subsided.  Just waiting for a call to go back to the hospital with the kids to pick him up.      

Andrea, I am just reading all of this for the first time now. I had no idea what you and Frank have been going through. My thoughts, prayers, positive energy, love and hugs are being sent to you all right now. It sounds like you are being strong for Frank and that is amazing but what I remember most about my experience with this is that you MUST take care of yourself too because you will have nothing to give if you are running on empty. So, don't be afraid to take some time for you, ask for help, ask to speak to someone about how you are feeling. I'm here if you need me and really am so very sorry that this is happening to your beautiful family. xoxo

Andrea, just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts. I am so glad to read that you have received the diagnosis and that chemo has begun. I hope that things will turn around for Frank, and that the treatment kicks some butt!  Be sure to take care of yourself as well during this time. Take the time to breathe and know that we are all here for you. Sending you hugs. xoxo

HI im happy for that news, stay positive and i know GOD is always there  you.GOD IS GREATFUL....... LOVE ALWAYS  , Irene, jessie, celine, kystia, sean...xoxoox

Andrea, I haven't been on MLL except an occasional post on my own lists.  I just went to your page to see what you had going on and I can't believe it.  

Please know that I'm thinking about you and will pray hard that this all works out.  I know you'll keep your positive attitude going throughout ~ you have to, for the kids, at least.  But, take the time for yourself - just a couple minutes to let it out, for yourself, by yourself. 

Positive thoughts, prayers and energy are headin' your way from me!! 

Thanks so much for your support everyone.  After our first chemo experience and the initial shock of the Rigors (which lasted a little more than half an hour), we actually had a great night.  Whew - happy to be past that and have that initial one behind us.  Today, hubby woke up feeling a zillion times better!  He actually woke up smiling and thankful for the small improvement.  He was loving life.  I'm amazed at this considering the incredilbe amount of chemicals and drugs they juiced him up with yesterday but YAY!!  We're feeling hopeful again!  Never would I have guessed that we'd be celebrating our 11th year together (today is our Anniversary) and joyful about Chemo.  This has me kind of chuckling as I'm keying this, actually.  We've decided to postpone our planned November trip and will reschedule it for when he's all finished his infusions.  Heather, thanks for checking in on me.  Sarah, so happy you've joined in the conversation - I know you understand.  Yes, you are so right.  I didn't realize exactly how exhausted I was until I was driving home from the hospital on my own yesterday (after leaving Frank violently shaking with the nurses.  Thank GOD for Nurses!) and feeling like I really just needed to collapse on a bed for a decade to recover.  While I was waiting to return to pick him up, I did receive a call from the Oncology social worker.  She must have got word of the stunned zombie-like woman with eyes as big as saucers leaving Oncology yesterday headed toward certain death on the highway (I can't even begin to describe the horror that experience was) ... and decided they better check to make sure I'd arrived safely.  Bless them. Sometimes, you gotta love Canadian healthcare.  We were happy to learn that hubby's chemo treatments and any prescribed medications from his Oncologist are covered and so is any counselling required by our family.  Onwards and upwards as Sarah R would say.

Hey Andrea.  That is great news that everything is covered.  There's one worry off your plate.  I'm glad that chemo made Frank feel better.  Hopefully it continues that way and a developes a tolerance for the other when he has to do it again.

 Hey Zin, thanks so much for checking in.  Yes, things really have taken an unexpected turn and in a flash, our whole world has really been shaken up.  I appreciate everyone's prayers and well-wishes so much.  Deb, thanks for your note.  It is great that they extend services like drug coverage and counselling to the families of oncology patients.  This is absolutely one of those times when I'm reminded of how lucky we are to live in such a fantastic country.  Dealing with a lot of nausea and fevers still at this time.  Last night and the night before were challenging once again.  Hoping to see the fevers come down in the next couple of days or so or it's back to the hospital.  I need to get him outside for some fresh air and to stretch his muscles a bit.  Spirits are at an all-time low at this time too as he's not able to get comfortable no matter how he sits or lays.  In-laws were here yesterday.  Nonna was cooking up a storm for most of the afternoon trying to stock up our fridge with homemade chicken soup and other fresh garden veggie dishes.  They left last evening with my brother-in-law.  Nice that they visited.  Left Frank exhausted though.   Kids are gearing up for school.  Lots to do with them over the long weekend.  Very much looking forward to getting into a new routine with them.

Ok, so yesterday (as in Tuesday) was a huge day for us.  Our twins (our yongest) started grade one!  We made it.  It truly was a celebratory day - having all four in school full time and I came in from seeing them off on the bus and actually had to be reminded of that incredible moment. I can't believe it.  Six hours of quiet in the house after the craziness that the summer has been with the kids home full time and juggling the tests and appointments and treatments. Whew.  I should have seriously broken out the champaigne (it was 8:15 AM) but who cares?? We didn't though.  Frank did some work and I cleaned the house.  How anti-climactic is that?  Once that was all done, I actually missed the noise.  Can you believe that?  As for Frank's health,  he's still dealing with fevers that come and go and a persistent nasty cough.  The night sweats have subsided - yay.  We're half way through to the next round of treatment.  His red and white blood cell counts are now at their lowest and this is the worst time for him to be catching any bugs as he has no defences against them.  I need to try to keep all those new school germs away. 

Have I mentioned yet how much I love my Aunt and Uncle?  I have the best Aunt and Uncle ever.  They showed up today with armloads of prepared food and baked treats for the kids.  I swear, my Aunt must have been baking for a week.  THANK You so much for such a kind gesture.  A quick visit was all we could manage though and for that, I'm so sorry.  Frank had to be whisked back to Oncology for them to monitor his fevers.  His temperature hasn't come down much since last night.  Looks like they are going to give him a blood transfusion because his red and white blood cell counts are so low.  Just waiting to hear back from the hospital about when to pick him up.  

Ok, so just when we think we're turning the last corner, it seems there's another obstacle in the way.  There must be truth to the saying that "you need to have a break down before you can have a break through."  Getting dangerously close to the breakdown, so a breakthrough must be just on the horizon.  Frank needed to have a blood transfusion yesterday.  Took about 5 hours.  Hoping to get his hemoglobin back in order and ready for the next round of treatment.  Another rough night last night, but good news this morning: he was feeling a little better this and the fevers have come down a bit over the course of today.  Hoping for a good night tonight.  

 Yay!!  This is me doing the happy dance.  After a weekend of soccer tournaments with the kids and what seemed like a tonne of fevers, chills, shakes, nausea and coughing following that transfusion, I think we may just have turned the corner a bit.  Hubby was able to get a better sleep last night - frist time in what feels like forever and now we just need to make sure his blood count and hemoglobin levels stay high enough for round 2 of his chemo on Friday.  Wow... the days feel like years each and every one of them, but this small improvement feels like a huge victory.  

Hey Andrea,

Hope everything's well on your side. Stay positive! :)

Pam

Ok, so the roller coaster ride continues.  Terrible night last night.  Unbelievably, the cough has worsened.  Fevers are back up to the 40+ range and another case of rigors to witness today.  I say witness, because aside from covering him up with piles of blankets, there's not much more I can do for him here at the house until it passes.  He's now being admitted to the hospital where they'll be able to administer IV antibiotics and manage any more rigors with demorol.  Hoping to get his red/white blood cell and hemoglobin levels back up before his scheduled chemo infusion on Friday.  Not happy about having to leave him at the hospital before they have a bed for him, but had to get back to meet the kids getting off the bus.      

Andrea, it sounds as though frank's body is fighting this tooth and nail! I am glad to hear that they have re-admitted him...and hope that the red/white blood cells get into a better state for the chemo on friday...would hate to see that postponed. There will be another turn on the roller coaster...there always is...let's wish that it is loop, where things even out at the end. wishing you and the family well! xoxo

Thanks Heather and Pam too.  So nice of you to leave me your words of encouragement. Latest update:  they've found a bed for hubby.  Small victory.  They're prepping him for another tranfusion.  He's on some kick-butt antibiotics, they are boosting his white blood cell counts with IV stuff (love my technical terminology here), hemoglobbin is at 88 (better than the 65 it was at before) but it needs to get better.  No idea what neutrophils are, but his are at .0003 - which sounds dangerously low to me.  Apparently that number needs to get to 1.  Anyway, on call Oncologist says he'll be feeling better in no time, so that's reassuring.  You know he's feeling better already when he's asking for ravioli and his bb charger. 

That's good news, Andrea.  The hospital is the best place for him right now.

I hope you got a good nights sleep last night.

Andrea, thinking of you and your family today, and hoping with all I've got that you're feeling some relief that he's in good hands and being well cared for. I would say, he must be improving if he's looking for his BB charger! It's a long process, how the body fights and heals, and the ups and downs must be hugely fatiguing. Just keep making sure you feed your machine, sleep, good food, lots of water and exercise. It will help you manage what YOUR body needs to stay well under all this stress. I feel for you, as I'm sure you're wondering where it's all going to go. Just breathe and take the moments that feel good. Getting all the kids out to school was momentus. Congratulations on all you've done to get them through this difficult time, and all the work you did to prepare them for their future. They will feel good with the structure and security of the school day. I know there's a lot of organizing that goes into getting four children out the door every day, so hopefully you've got enough extra hands for laundry and lunch-making, etc. I sure do wish I lived near you! I'd be at your door. Sending love and good thoughts as best I can offer. xo

Thanks for your note Shea and Deb.  Yes, I absolutely know he's where he needs to be right now.  Since my last update, we've received a some unhappy news.  I've been holding off sharing hoping we'd receive better news today.  Yesterday, our Oncologist indicated that Frank's persistent fevers were cause for concern.  He relayed that it seems that Frank's particular type of lymphoma seems to be resisting the chemotherapy.  He ordered a chest x-ray and another CT scan and the next steps would depend on the results of those tests.  Of course, we were on pins and needles until we were able to get those results, but very hopeful that Frank's lymph nodes and spleen had reduced in size indicating that the Cancer was dying out.   That was yesterday.  Today, the journey became a little more complicated and a lot more scary.  We were able to listen to the doc explain that the CT Scan indicates that hubby's spleen and his lymph nodes haven't reduced at all in size and because his fevers continue to spike and  his cough continues to persist, it looks like his lymphoma is resisting the chemo that has been given to him so far.  He used a word called 'refractive' (I believe) and so, the next step... a spleenectomy once his blood counts/hemoglobin and neutrophils increase and likely a transfer to Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto for secondary line chemo, stem cell transplant and whatever more they can do for him.  Of course, this was a bit of a blow to both of us.  The move to PMH is going to mean separation from his kids as well as putting the hope of continuing his business on hold for now.  We're hoping that what's going on with him right now is just some wierd virus that the antibiotics can't make a difference with, but in all liklihood, we're looking at a bit of an uphill battle with this aggressive, persistant, resistent lymphoma.  Hope you'll keep us in your prayers and thanks for checking in.  

If you and the kids want to have a camp out  in Toronto we have a couple of nice big tents and a backyard you can us......I won't pretend you would all fit in our house!  :)   We are about an hour from PMH by subway.

Andrea, praying for your strength and confidence that the transfer to Toronto will be just what's necessary to give Frank the treatment that he will respond to and heal. I can't imagine the strain you're feeling now, but please know that we're thinking of you and sending you all good thoughts. How are the children doing? 

 Hi Shea, seems we just can't catch a break with this.  It turns out, there are no available beds at Princess Margaret Hospital.  They'e put hubby on a waiting list.  They will proceed to do the spleen removal here at Royal Victoria Hospital.  Our Oncologist is conferring with two PMH Oncologists and all agree the spleen needs to come out as soon as Frank's blood count/hemoglobin levels up high enough to allow it.  Hopefully, once that happens, we'll be looking at a prettier picture and they can decide what the next steps are.  They are sure the type of Cancer in the lymph nodes they removed from under his arm is NLPHL and they gave him the appropriate type of chemotherapy to treat that particular type of Lymphoma.  They believe he may have a different kind of Cancer attacking his spleen.  They won't know until they are able to remove it and analyse it.  So... more waiting.  Thank you kindly to everyone who are sending their prayers and keeping us in their thoughts.  

The children miss their father understandably.  They are very much kids of routine and this has kind of messed up our regular routine.  I'm working to try to keep everything balanced and organized on the homefront and must thank all the wonderful friends and family who have been helping out with childcare, homecleaning, laundry folding, pond maintenance and even dropping off prepared meals.  We are all feeling very loved and cared for.  Thank you kindly. 

Andrea: You, Frank and the kids are in my thoughts every day.  Bringing well wishes your way and hope to visit soon. Take care, Sandra, Don and Tyler xo

Hi Sandra, thank you so much for joining in and for your well-wishes.  We appreciate every one of them, for sure.  Tomorrow, I'll meet with a counsellor who specializes in working with families of Oncology patients.  Boy, have I got an earful for her!  I think the worst thing about this process so far has been the fear of the unknowns.  I've always had such great faith in the treatment that Frank has been receiving each step along this journey... at this point though, I've got to be honest here... I'm feeling kind of disheartened and frustrated that things just don't seem to be going our way.  I'm really praying that this next step is going to be the 'breakthrough' step.  Hoping his blood count levels and hemoglobin stay high enough for the spleenectomy.  Hoping he remains infection-free to that point too.  Wish I could do more to lift his spirits in the hosptial.  He misses his children terribly. They all made him posters with thier pictures and artwork to decorate his hospital room walls and they sat and sang him the cutest songs from school and camp.  That seemed to do the trick for a bit.  Many of his family visited him in the hospital today and that helped as well.  It's amazing the affect just a small gesture of consideration from a kind nurse will make.  Nurses really do make such a huge difference.       

 Andrea--

I was talking with Shelagh on Saturday about the charity walk I was doing on Sunday and she mentioned the battle your family is facing... I just wanted you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. It sounds like you are an amazingly strong person and I know that will serve you well, but I also know that no matter how strong you are, there will be times when you will just feel completely drained and defeated.

The walk I did is called the Jimmy Fund Walk and it benefits the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston. We walked in memory of my boyfriend's father, but also in celebration of my father, who is a cancer survivor. The news reports say that nearly 9,000 walkers participated, with hopes of raising more than $7.5 million for DCFI. I know the abstract idea of a cure isn't much to go on for you right now, but I wanted you to have one concrete example of how hard people (not me, the people at DCFI) everywhere in the world are working to beat this awful disease.

Thank you so much for your kindness earvin34.  I appreciate what you've written here so much and it's so nice that Shelagh is talking about our situation too.  I'm very sorry to read of your boyfriend's loss of his father.  On the other hand, very happy to hear of your own father's survival.  It's so awesome that you honour them in such a productive way. Fundraising and uniting for a cause really is an incredible experience and I must congratulate you for all your efforts.  Boy - 9,000 strong... that is absolutely amazing.

I just wish I felt as strong as everyone says these days.  It's feels like we've been on this journey for a lifetime already when really, it's just been a couple of months.  Every day now seriously seems like a year.  We are still awaiting surgery to remove Frank's poisonous spleen.  All his bloodwork has come back fine now (I can't believe it took two and a half weeks for him to recover from that initial chemo treatment) and he was cleared for the surgery.  For some reason, an OR couldn't be secured today and the doctor was unsure if it would happen tomorrow or even the next day.  At this point, we're all very discouraged about the delays and I'm afraid hubby has slipped into a bit of a depression... which can't be good.  He has absolutely no appetite and finds it extremely difficult to do even small tasks like showering, getting up to stretch his legs or to find a comfortable position that allows him any sleep.  It does seem like he's coughing less and he's started to regain a bit of his voice, but still, the fevers persist.  I brought the kids to see him in the hosptial yesterday and I was disheartened that even their sweet singing didn't seem to lift his spirits (this truly is a first and has me extremely worried.)  I'd like to be there for the morning consultation with his Oncologist, but he seems to swing by early before I can make it there because I'm getting the kids off to school.  I believe they are doing their very best for him, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch as he gets weaker and more distraught.  Today, I was able to meet with the principal of our childrens' school to let them know what's been happening on the home front and hospital front.  We did see a small victory... they've reuinted our twins.  Very grateful for their support and cooperation. I'm thinking a very large, loud and 'pull out all the stops' healing party might just need to be planned for once we're able to close the chapter on this cancer curse.  I think he'd like that.      

Hi Andrea

I was thinking about you and your family this afternoon and thought I would check in for the latest update on Frank;s condition.  I am happy to hear that he has now been stablized and is cleared for surgery, which hopefuly  happened today.  Any ideas on when chemo will start again?  I am sure Franks spirits will improve after surgery.  As you have pointed out his spleen contains poison, which has to be affecting him.  Thankfully our body doesn't need a spleen!

I love the idea of a healing party.  It will give all of you something to look forward to and focus on.

As always, we are praying for Frank, you and the children and hope that the road to recovery is smoother that it has been.

And the roller coaster ride continues.  We're down again.  No surgery for today.  He was all ready, off food, on IV fluids and very excited to be moving to the next page just to be bumped at the last minute.  As it stands now, it looks like it might just be tomorrow afternoon or evening.  Fingers crossed.  Thanks for your note Deb.  Les - great idea about making the video with the kids so that he can play it back when he feels like it.  Appreciate everyone's prayers and support.  Did I mention I have the best friends ever?  Best sister too.  Hoping for a better day tomorrow.   

Ok, thinking positively again today.  I must apologize for writing from such a dark place the last few entries.  Today's a new day and filled with possibilities.  Let's hope it just stays on course.  Frank's surgery is back up on the board for this afternoon, he's off food again and back on IV fluids.  Great news.  I think yesterday, he was feeling really betrayed by being bumped off the schedule, but we're just going to keep the fingers crossed.  The hot tub people came today and closed that up for the season.  They pleasantly surprised me with a complimentary service today and just wish for Frank's health.   Judy, my good friend from university came by with a pizza for the kids for dinner this evening as well.  I'm overwhelmed with everyone's gestures and am touched by how so many people are trying to ease the stresses of this time for us.    

Hey - yay for decent companies and the kindness of friends delivering pizza! :) You go ahead and pour your heart out in the darkest of darkest moments ... that's what friends are for  ... to help you through the tough times.  We share in your joys and your sorrows and we are your buoys in this sometimes vast and scary ocean of life! Lean on us for support ... and know that SOMEONE will always be there to reach out and lift you up. It is what friends do.  Wishing you all a GOOD day. I hope the surgery is a go and that it goes smoothly.  Patience to you and Frank and skill and knowledge and certainty are wished for your doctors.  I'm sending many hugs - xo les

Yep - thanks for your note Les and for your kind words. Surgery is underway in seven minutes as I begin writing this.  Hubby's epidural is done and he's just waiting for the first cut.  They've decided to remove the spleen in two sections laproscopically.  I'm amazed at this decision seeing as his spleen is over 20cms now.  I'm trusting they know what they are doing.  It turns out the anesthesiologist he had for the epidural is someone we took ballroom dancing with.  He was amazed to see Frank there for such an important surgery.  I have more incredible gestures of kindness to share:  my sister drove late the other evening to bring a cat carrier and to babysit so I could return to the hospital in the evening.  Nibbles and Smokey will no longer be contributing to the feline population and will no longer be tearing apart my carpets and forever leaving their marks on my furnture.  My cousin showed up on the porch today, an hour and a half away from his home with a cooler full of food and baked cookies from my aunt.  The kids are very happy.  Judy is so kind to come back this evening to babysit so I can see Frank in recovery.  The pool is now all closed up for the season (another big thing off the seriously long list) and I'm headed out with the kids shortly for Open House at the school.  There is no school tomorrow and graciously, three sets of parents with their own children have offered to watch my children so I can return to the hospital tomorrow again.  I believe some of Frank's family is returning on the weekend to help with the outdoor stuff and I have to commend my Brother In Law for all the hard work he's put in with trying to prepare the pond for the fall season.  Again, I feel very fortunate to have such an incredible group of people supporting us and I'm overwhelmed by everyone's gestures of kindness.  Thank you once again.       

 Yay - success!  Spleen is out.  Surgery was delayed a few hours, but Frank made it through.  They had originally intended on removing it laproscopically, but because it was so enlarged (over the 20.5 cms they originally thought it was), they couldn't manage it. So... very large incision across his left side - sure to be very painful once all that nice anesthesia wears off and the morphine button is banished.  A number of tubes and machines are monitoring everything for him right now.  I'm just getting in from the hospital where I went once word was received that he was all finished up and that the spleen had been successfully removed.  He's very groggy and thirsty and needing to rest and let the nurses tend to him but he already has them bringing him water and asking a bunch of questions.  The fantastic news is... no fever to drive him nuts and the terrible cough seems to have vanished with the spleen - even when he takes a deep breath.  He is the happiest I've seen him in months even with all those tubes and lines and monitors.  I can't express how happy that makes me and I think I'll finally get some decent sleep in tonight.   THANK YOU very much.  I need to express my extreme gratitude to Judy who stuck with me during this difficult day and even offered to babysit for me but because of the delay in the surgery, couldn't make it work out. Also a big Thank You to Irene for scrambling to get here so I could get there.  I appreciate the time you all take out of your lives to make so much in our lives run smoother and easier.   

Andrea, that is all terrific news. I couldn't be happier to read your posts, the emotions that you must feel are huge. I want to second what Les said, it's a special community you have surrounding you, and we all are here to help you shoulder in some way what you're experiencing. It may just be a social network, but it's significant, the depth of real life shared here is stunning, and I applaud you for reaching out through this time to share your feelings and take the support from all corners. I wish you a simple thing: Peace to enjoy the life and the future you and Frank have worked to build, and I pray that will be easy to reach from here on out. There will no doubt be bumps and other challenges, but your strength in communicating what you want and what you're willing to do to get the life you deserve is inspiring. I love that you're here sharing the light and the dark moments. It's real. And the support you are seeing is just as real. You are never alone. So glad Frank is feeling better and the fever has disappeared. He no doubt has drawn great strength from you. You're an amazing wife and I fully believe his recovery will come in part to how loved he knows he is. Good news, keep going!

Shea, what you've written here today has once again brought tears to my eyes. I appreciate it so much and yes, it's a social network, but I have to say, it's been therapeutic to share here and read the feedback and messages of support, encouragement and hope. I appreciate them so much - especially when I feel I'm so close to not keeping it together... I'll read just one line that will restore hope and help me get through just one more day or night that feels like an eternity. Another brief update about how things are going for Frank right now. According to his surgeon, the spleenectomy went better than he had expected. As mentioned, he thought he'd be able to remove the spleen laproscopically, but once they got in there, they realized it was too big and heavy. They cut him open and removed a 20.5+cm spleen weighing more than 10 pounds. I'm reentering this, because I'm absolutely amazed that he basically had a very healthy full term plus baby in his abdomen pressing on his diaphram. It turns out, his spleen was the largest any of the doctors had ever seen. It's no wonder his coughing was so bad. At least they were sure they got the whole thing intact by opening him up and not pursing the laproscopic methond. They believe they were able to remove 70-80% of his cancer just by cutting out that poisonous spleen which they've since sent to Toronto for analysis. He's currently in a 'step down' ward for post surgery patients - it's very busy, noisy and cluttered with all kinds of monitors and machinery sounding off continually and patients coming out of surgery and their relatives coming in and out too. It's not a restful or peaceful place by any stretch. Frank was very happy to have lost that additional ten pounds (to add to the 35 he's lost since his diagnosis) and the terrible cough that went with it as well as the majority of his cancer, but he's currently running a fever that has the doctors a little concerned. I'm surprised they haven't placed him on antibiotics for that yet, but I'm trusting they know what they're doing. He'll likely be in that noisy ward for at least a couple of days and maybe as many as four or five until they can get the fever under control and see that he's recovering as they think he should be. We're not really sure what's next beyond him just recovering from this surgery at this point. They will analyse the spleen and try to determine the next line of treatment for the remaining cancer in his lymph nodes. I'm hoping that what's left in his body has not spread into his bones, or we're looking at a whole other picture. He's currently on a waiting list for a bed at Princess Margaret Hospital but could even be seen by the Oncologists there as an outpatient if his Oncologists here think that would help. We're just waiting to see how his body will respond to it's new situation and hoping and praying for an upswing.

I am soooo happy to write that things are starting to resolve... yay!  Frank's nurse reports that he's doing well with his recovery.  They've moved him from the ICU Step Down Ward to a semi-private room (what a huge difference that will make) and he's had a few of the lines taken out giving him a bit more freedom.  His voice has started to return (scratchy and painful after the intubation).  He's managed to get up and walk around for brief moments at a time (very happy about this), he's been weaned off the epidural block and his significant amount of pain is being managed just by some oral meds now - all good things.  The great things:  no more cough and it looks like the fever is finally abating!!!  I think Frank finally was able to get a restful sleep last night - probably the best he's had in eight weeks or so.  It seems like we're finally making strides forward instead of backward and I'm hoping the doctors will come up with a solution to the mystery of what's in that spleen so we can rid him of the rest of those nasty cancerous cells still in his lymph system.  More incredible things I just need to write about... I am continually amazed by the support people are extending to our family.  A very caring friend came to watch the kids so I could run errands and restock my house.  My sister showed up yesterday and she and her husband worked tirelessly for hours on a project to construct a wooden frame and net cover for our pond to beat the falling leaves and keep them out of our pond.  My brother in law showed up with three of his four strapping sons to take the fall outdoor projects off my worried head and I am eternally grateful for all the amazing people working so hard to help us through this difficult time.  Absolutely amazed.

Sooooo incredibly happy for you.  I continue to pray for you that things will continue in the positive.  Really great to hear about your support as well as the upward turn Frank is taking.  It's all awesome and will continue to be so.  Wishing I could do more for you...

Andrea, I am so glad things are beginning to move forward. You have no doubt been put through the paces over the last few weeks but have stayed steadfast in your pursuit of full recovery. Your persistence to fight will no doubt carry on through the next phase and I truly believe your positive ways will help Frank to rally as he wills his body to fight the good fight. Cancer is an ugly thing but you are showing that it can and will be beaten. I am praying for more good news as this certainly appears to be the much needed turning point. With much love and support you and Frank are in our thoughts daily.

Thank you kindly for your prayers and well-wishes.  We're collecting every single one. : ) I'm so happy to read  your positive comments here and have some more news... yesterday I was able to bring Frank home from the hospital.  It was quite the surprise to get that call, but his spirits were so lifted to see his children come off the bus to find him home after two weeks in the hospital, 40 lbs lighter (in total and including the ten pounds plus that was his spleen) and sporting quite the battle wounds from the operating room - four small cuts from the laproscopic entry and one very long one from the exit).  It was a touching reunion.  Everyone had missed eachothe so much and a lot has changed in that two weeks.  At this time, there is nothing more the hosptial can do for Frank.  He needs to recover from his surgery and we'll wait for the analysis of his spleen.  We're very much hoping that the oncologists working on his case (two here at RVH and two down in Toronto at Princess Margaret) can come up with a new treatment plan that will help him with the last bit of lymphoma.  Thank  you all so much for checking in on us once again and please continue to write your notes of encouragement here - they really truly lift my spirits.  

Andrea...that is so wonderful to hear that Frank is now home! I can only imagine the screams of excitement the kids must have shared with his surprise arrival back! Just catching up on the past week of ups and downs that you have been though...20+ pds...mon dieu!! That is crazy! I am so glad to hear that you have a great support system around you, and wish that I could be closer to help out as well. If you come to TO, I will be happy to help out whenever possible...wine/drinks at my place...lol! Thank you for sharing all of the ups and downs that you are going through...though we do not wish this on anyone, it is comforting to know that you have a place to share and vent...but also a social media/safe environment.  Keep that spirit alive, and be sure to have some fun...little "magic moments" to bring the family together...family games, making smores, story time, wish sticks (find a V stick, have the kids write a wish for themselves on a piece of paper and then a wish for the family on the other...wrap them around each the V's and then burn them on an open fire), apple picking...just find something to have fun together. Sending you lots of lovin...Raise a toast my dear.

Andrea, Heather's so right. Now that Frank is home, as much as he still needs to rest, there should be some moments to enjoy. That will make everyone feel better. The children no doubt are confused by what has taken place and I bet they're trying to process the "why" just like you are. Unfortunately, there is no because. The best you can do for all of you is find those moments to love each other and enjoy. It's been an incredibly difficult time, and the off-schedule chaos can take its toll. You've done so wonderfully well, and I know you've done it with help, but you set the tone. I'm POSITIVE it will start to get easier now. Enjoy having your family whole again! So happy for you. xo

Thanks so much for checking in on us.  Frank's return to home has been a little subdued.  The kids are all happy to see him and that he's home, but what they see doesn't much resemble what the remember of their father.  The change is quite drastic and I'm sure, a little scary from their perspective.  I've chatted with all of them about how he's recovering from a major surgery and still is very sick.  Even his voice is different and this past week with him home has presented a slew of other challenges.  We are very grateful to have him home with us and we need to come up with a way to enjoy some of those happy family moments together.  I think we all need that.  Right now, Frank is lacking energy and strength.  The coughing is gone, the spleen is gone, a bunch of weight and a significant amount of cancer is gone too.  Strength and health has slipped away too though.  The fevers persist and a few other 'symptoms' don't seem to be resolving as quickly as we'd like.  Waiting for answers (a follow up with the oncologist is still nearly a week away and we haven't heard from the surgeons office yet) is just about killing both of us.  Through it all though, we know we are loved as so many people have offered their assistance, prayers, well-wishes and support and importantly, he knows he's not going through this alone.  I am very grateful to be able to come here to write about it and receive the support of so many.  Thank you for your encouragement. 

Hello Andrea,  I am hoping to get in touch with you by phone, I recognize things are very difficult (to say the least) and am wondering when would be the most appropriate time to call.  Thinking about you all everyday.  Lots of love and prayers, Jenn and Dave. 

Hi Jenn, thanks for your note.  I'll call this evening and we can catch up.  I haven't written here so much lately, because things have been really frustrating and by the time the kids are in bed, I'm just about exhausted.  Plus, my laptop has been acting funny and with Frank not feeling well, my computer time has been minimal hoping to extend its life and not wanting to bother him with one more thing to do.  I've always relied on him for so much and he's always so naturally inclined to fix or manage anything electronic or outdoors, this has been a scary adventure so far.  I wish I had happier news to share. Frank's strength and attitude have continued to decline.  He spent ttwo days barely able to make it from the bed to the bathroom and after many attempts to reach his doctor, we were finally able to get him back onto steroids which have made a huge difference.  He's up and walking around again.  He's now lost close to 50lbs.  The fevers persist and continue to wreck any real rest he can get.  Thanksgiving is just on the horizon and he's very down about a holiday approaching where he feels like he can't participate.  Friday was a devastating day for him as he had no choice but to have me record an outgoing message on his business telephone line indicating that his office is closed temporarily but indefinitely due to his illness.  He's absolutely heartbroken to have to turn away business and not be able to service the clients he's worked so hard to build relationships with over the years.  We see the oncologist tomorrow and hope to have the results from the pathology on his spleen. His doctor has put a request in for him to be seen by lymphoma specialists at Princess Margaret Hospital.  Ironically, this is the hospital I fundraised for two years ago.  Praying for a breakthrough and sending a note of appreciation to everyone who continues to check in on us and support us in so many ways.    

Andrea, this is definitely the hard part, how the process continues despite wanting to see progress and end this chapter. Patience must be tough to muster at this point. The initial milestones you've reached are all good, and I want you to keep your focus on the day to day. Don't go to the big picture, just do the little things every day that renew your energy even in the smallest way. You will get through this, I know you will, and all will be restored. Try not to give in to fear, though I know that's the biggest request to make of you. Do not let fear take away your hope. It's still your most powerful weapon, it's your strength and your gift. For Thanksgiving, we will be at our table praying for Frank's quickest recovery and acknowledging all the good things that have happened to get you all this far, with deepest thanks for what you bring to our life. You and Frank are such special people, and I truly believe he will not lose one customer long term. It will all be rebuilt. You wait and see, my dear.

Hi Andrea.  Although there is nothing I can do to change the situation your family has been presented with, I can offer you help both now and in  the future.  I know you have lots of support and caring friends and family, but if there is anything me or my family can do to give you a hand, please do not hesitate to ask.  If you feel the need to have some time with Frank we would love to spend some time with the kids.  Again, we are keeping our thoughts positve and waiting for something good to happen.  Thank you for calling the other night (I was visiting a girlfriend who is expecting) but I am sorry I missed you.  I will call you soon,  Jenn

Hi Shea, thank you so much for  your message of hope and perserverence.  I appreciate your hints to keep present in the moment.  At this point, each day that Frank is here with us literally feels like a gift - especially having him up and able to walk around.  On the other hand though, each passing day comes with it's challenges as he continues to struggle with shakiness, lack of energy and fevers that are breaking through the prednozone despite the high dosage along with continued frustration at himself and this whole process as well as deepening depression.  He finds the fevers boiling just under the surface of the mask that the steroids provide to be very scary as he can't stay on those drugs for longer than a few days.  They present a host of other risks.  Yesterday, we followed up with Frank's oncologist.  He was able to have the staples removed from his midsection.  His scar is 9 inces long plus four inch long ones where they went in laproscopically.  He was happy to have those itchy and uncomfortable pieces of metal out and enjoyed his first real shower in two weeks.  I was happy about that shower too. Sponge baths are great and everything, but nothing beats a fantastic hot shower to make you feel a thousand times better and smell fresh again too.  Frank's oncologist was also able to set up a consultation with the leading lymphoma specialist in Canada for next Wednesday at Princess Margaret in Toronto.  He will be seen as an outpatient at this point and we are thankful and anxious for that meeting.  We're also hoping the pathology will be back on Frank's spleen by that time.  Another experienced set of eyes on this case may allow renewed hope with Frank's prognosis and perhaps a new treatment plan that can help us see the light through the forest.  I must admit that at this point, I've shamefully lost sight of the path to the rainbow valley view.  I believe wholeheartedly that it's out there... we just need to find it.  It is devastating and heartbreaking to hear things from a very nice and completely well-meaning oncologist like 'We've never seen anything like this before' and 'this seems to be very complex and completely baffling' or 'this is a very rare type of lymphoma and it's just not responding in a typical fashion' while I'm watching my husband suffer daily with his syptoms, sink deeper and deeper into a blackness and slip further and further away from us.  On a positive note... today, Frank drove his car for the first time in over a month.  Twice even.  We had to take my van in to have the a/c fixed and required both vehicles to be driven.  After that, he even managed to change out two light switches in the house.  All this wiped him right out and left him shaky and dizzy and this frustrated him.  On one hand, he was elated that he was able to do some normal tasks around the house and felt useful, on the other hand, he felt like his body was continuing to betray him.  On another positive note...Thanksgiving is being brought to us this year. Hubby's brothers and sisters and their kids along with his parents are travelling one to two hours to come to visit on Saturday.  Hopefully, having more of his family around him over the holiday will lift his spirits.  Jenn, thanks again for your message.  I tried to reach you tonight but it looks like we keep missing eachother.  I'll try again over the weekend at some point but feel free to call anytime up until 10 or so.  You are so kind to leave your note of support and we appreciate it so much. I believe Dan and Gillian are planning to come soon with Aunt Mary and Uncle John for a raking party outside in the next couple of weeks.  Maybe you'd like to come too and the kids could run around, jump in the leaves and on the trampoline and play hide and seek while we rake?  Maybe Aunt Mary can tell me what I'm supposed to do at this time of year for my gardens.  I'm completely clueless when it comes to those gardens yet they continue to surprise me each season with their glorious blooms and colours despite my lack of effort.  I wouldn't be surprised if they revolted against my neglect and refused to come back again next spring.  If my sister and Darren come with their kids, that'd make for ten kids under nine and enough adults to rake up two acres in a couple of hours.  Let me know your thoughts about that plan.  Hope you had a fantastic get-together with your friend.  Is she expecting a boy or a girl and when is the baby due to arrive?  

Hi Andrea and Family,  Sorry I have been so quiet on the site.  I have been following and wish you all luck tomorrow at your appointment at PMH.  It is important to stay positive and remember that you do have alot of support around you.  You and your family are always in our thoughts.  Sandra

Big Day tomorrow.  Very anxious to meet the specialist at Princess Margaret.  We were hoping the pathology report would be in on Frank's spleen, but it's looking like once again, luck isn't really on our side.  It turns out that Frank's sister and brother will accompany us to the hosptial and his parents have been kind enough to volunteer to stay behind and meet the kids off the bus in the afternoon.  We're keeping our fingers crossed that we'll have some new options available and perhaps a chemotherapy treatment that will do the trick.  Thank you once again to everyone who has called or sent notes wishing us well and keeping us in their thoughts and prayers. 

Where to begin???  I have to say, this last couple of days has just wiped me out!!  We were so disheartened yesterday to get all the way to Princess Margaret and speak with two of the leading lymphoma specialists in the country to have them indicate that the results from Frank's spleen pathology were inconclusive and that they were still waiting for something conclusive to go on.  It was great to meet with them.  They are insanely knowlegeable and were as helpful as possible, but without definitive pathology to go on, their recommendation was to return to the original treatment for NLPHL and get back on that chemo regiment that nearly killed him last time.  Soooo... we left deflated and not so hopeful but with chemo booked for early Friday morning.  That was yesterday.  Today, we went back to our hosptital in Barrie to follow up with our oncologist here and wouldn't you know it, small miracles do happen (and I have to thank everyone for their fervent prayers and positive energy being sent our way)... conclusive pathology awaited us with our oncologist this morning!!!!  And... it shows he has a second type of lymphoma (of course, he happens to be a one in a million case...) Large Diffuse B Cell - treated by a whole different chemo regiment.  Which, we are booked for early Friday morning.  WHAT A RELIEF!  I can't tell you how happy we both were for this new diagnosis and a new path through the forest.  Perhaps there is a sliver of light to be seen through the darkness as we continue along this journey.  THANK You to everyone who has continued to keep us in their thoughts and prayers.  We even went out to celebrate this small victory.  Sushi has never tasted so fantastic.

Andrea, that's a terrific blessing. Nothing in the WORLD could feel better than factual, intelligent information. Whew. I am praying that the right medicine can now be administered wuickly and Frank will respond and feel well again, just in time for the holidays to really gear up. All our fingers crossed and double-crossed. Do let us know how tomorrow goes.

What an amazing thing, to have something go right. All the keys are falling into place. Just believe and breathe. OK? 

 Sounds good to me Shea!  We're riding on cloud nine right now with hopeful hearts.  Sister-In-Law is on her way to stay the night and help with the kids tomorrow.  Everyone has been wonderful. 

Great news Andrea! Love that the two of you went out for Sushi.

Hope tomorrow goes well.

One treatment behind us, seven more to go.  First infusion took seven and a half hours.  The next ones shouldn't take so long.  They proceed slowly the first time around to continue to monitor his vitals for any sign of a negative reation.  Perhaps the next infusion will be closer to five hours.  Exhausted today, not much sleep last night for either of us.  Frank is very tired and weak from the chemicals and was feeling nauseous throughout the night.  Apparently, it is very important to continue to drink fluids to flush his system as he's a little toxic at this time. Scary stuff.  Hopefully, we're on the right track now and he'll be feeling better over the next few days.  My Sister-In-Law was nice enough to stay overnight in case I had to bring him back to the hosptial as he did have a slight rigors attack late yesterday afternoon.  

None of the coldness of our weather here can dampen my spirits on this day.  I finally finally have a piece of good news to share and as I'm writing, tears of pure joy are streaming down my cheeks.  Today is a glorious day.  The man who woke up this morning once again resembles the one I married.  65lbs smaller and a whole lot whiter, speenless and beaten, but so obviously not defeated... Frank was so happy to feel better today that he just had to get up and dance around with the kids.  I AM SERIOUS.  At 7:45 on this Sunday morning, he put the music on in the family room and greeted our children like he'd been a POW subjected to insane and innovative forms of torture for the past decade but finally rescued and reunited with his friends and family.  Yes, we were all so happy we were literally dancing around the room.  I'm not making that up or exaggerating in the least.  I can't even begin to describe the feelings of enlightenment I'm experiencing right now.  For the first time in months, I feel hope in my heart and I wish words could describe the feelings of joyfulness that just want to burst through every pore in my skin and explode every fiber.  Can't describe it.  I feel fortunate.  I feel gratitude.  I feel hope and joy and am so blessed to be able to experience this right now.  Man, what a relief.  Perhaps, just perhaps, we may continue along this path to lightness and maybe, just maybe, there is a slight chance that this chapter will end happily.  For now, I'm ecstatic.  Beyond that even.  Bursting with happiness.  Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers and for sending all that positive energy our way.  I have no doubt that the power of all that energy is what has made the difference with this situation.  So many people - friends, relatives, medical professionals, acquaintences and even strangers have absolutely astounded me with the outpouring of support and fellowship that have led us to this point.  Thank you so much.  We are truly blessed. 

Andrea,

I just got all caught up on your entries and it seems as though I picked a good day to log on. What a stressful, terrifying ordeal you have been through but it does sound like there is reason for celebration, dancing around the living room, no less.

I am thinking of you all and continuing to send prayers. I can feel your happiness through this last entry and for that I am thankful.

S xoxo

Andrea - finally, I'm on 'the list'! So glad to hear your news... hoping that everything stays the course - you've all been through enough already!

Andrea, this is hugely exciting news! What a relief this respite must be. Nothing but good news from here please, your last post brought me to tears. Life is so fragile, and it's too easy to lose sight of what matters. Not that you ever did, but you know what I mean, one minute you're fussing with laundry and grilling chicken, and the next minute you're dealing with this very real and terrifying issue. It must feel like getting hit by a train. But you have handled it with such grace and perspective, I know you appreciated before this happen how important it is to live in the moment. There's no way you would've gotten this far without losing your mind if you didn't already have that skill firmly in place. I hope Frank continues to feel well, and dance. Celebrate every minute. That's what this life is for. All our good thoughts and wishes with you!

Take a huge colorful, warm-looking picture of Negril Beach, Jamaica or Atlantis and hang it on the fridge. Dream board! Do it!

Your story is amazing. Keep up the faith and hope. You are so strong : )

Thank you so much for your kind notes and words of encouragement.  They lift my spirits immensely.  It is so nice to come here and find that others have left comments here too.  Shea, yep... the huge colourful posters of places to visit in the future are up and staring at us in the face each and every day.  All of them are centrally posted.  Frank continues to feel weak and nauseated.  Not much tastes right for him at this time so he continues to lose weight.  He tries to work, but can't sit for very long at the computer, but thankfully, the fevers have abated and the sweats have released him from their grip.  His situation is much improved since this new chemo treatment and we are hoping to get through this dark forest yet.  Sending my gratitude to all of you who continue to keep us in your prayers and send positive energy our way.    

Andrea, the important thing is that he feels like working, even if just for a short time, and that his fevers and sweats are gone.   The eating thing will come in time.  Has he tried any of the nutritional drinks like Ensure or Boost, or even protien shakes.  My mom lived on Ensure for a several years.  Besides spinach and cottage cheese it was all she could keep down.

Of course, smoking a certain illegal plant is suppose to help with the nausea! ;)

Thanks for the notes ladies.  I have more good news to share.  Today was another great day and I'm writing because I can't sleep.  Overwhelmed with so many thoughts and feeling fortunate to have this respite from the swamp we've been trudging through.  Frank continues to enjoy improved health.  The nausea seems to have abated now too and his appetite is beginning to return and we're just a week past chemo.  If this continues, he'll be feeling like his old self once again.  He was even able to see a client today - first time in a long time.  Spirits and hope are one the rise.  We are touched and amazed by the continual outpouring of support, friendship and love sent out way.  Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers.

 Deb, forgot to mention... he's tried Boost and didn't care for it much.  A friend brought over some Isagenix and that has helped him a little.  Wow - spinich, cottage cheese and Ensure? Your mom's amazing.  No smoking or alcohol allowed on chemo, I'm assuming that applies to all herb smoking too. 

Andrea, so good to hear things are sooooo much improved.  That is incredible.  Your positive energy has, no doubt, helped.  I continue to keep you & your family in my thoughts and prayers. 

Zin, so glad your post worked and you're back in the conversation.  Taigacat - welcome to the conversation - I must have missed your post somehow.  Thanks so much for all of your kind comments.  Just a quick update... things are going well, thankfully.  Frank has begun to lose his hair and is not always comfortable - a lot of muscle/joint pain, I'm guessing from the chemo and some nausea, but his appetite has come back and he's feeling less wobbly on his feet and able to do some normal 'tasks' around the house that don't involve much strength or physical exertion.  He's not looking so sunken or hollow these days and some of the fire has returned to his eyes.  He's sooooo much happier these past few days and, I'm so much happier seeing him happy again and beginning to reclaim a bit of his life.  My sister and her husband were kind enough to come up on the weekend to help us tackle the moutain of leaves that have accumulated outside around the property.   When some of our neighbours saw what we were doing, they brought their own rakes and joined in.  It was very nice and very touching to have everyone pitching in to help us (literally pitching in) and the weather was gorgeous - perfect fall weather... crisp and clean smelling with a hint of pine from the needles that have fallen and were making their way into our numerous piles.  A great day to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine and get some exercise.  The laughter I could hear from the kids and adults alike was more therapeutic than anything else I could imagine.  Unfortunately, I was reminded very quickly how out of shape I am.  Since all of this started back in August, I have been very negligent with my own fitness routine.  The regular hours at the gym were replaced with just trying to survive from day to day in the horror that was our life just a couple of weeks ago.  It actually seems like an eternity ago, but it's only really been a matter of days since I felt like all hope was lost and that the evil Cancer Demon was making off with my husband in it's clutches.  Today, however, a different picture is unfolding.  The new treatment seems to be having a positive effect.  Yesterday, Frank was all smiles riding the kids (there were many here - my three boys, ages 8 & 6, by niece - age 7, nephew - 5 and our neighbours children, 4 years old and 6) around on the riding mower with the trailer.  I just had to snap a bunch of pictures.  It was a great day.  I think he may have overdone it a bit though with the leaf blower as his back protested all night long with spasms that kept him awake and finally drove him to the Tylenol 3 with codine.  As for me... today, I'm not loving the leaves much, but at least they are in piles in the forest and mostly off our lawn thanks to so many hands making the load lighter.  Have I mentioned how fortunate we are to have friends and family who love us and are trying so hard to support us through all this?  It's the next day now and I'm always more sore the next day.  I should have taken some of that codine Tylenol myself.  Today, it was back to the hospital for more blood testing.  Our next chemo isn't until November 4th so hoping those blood counts stay in line for that.  November 4th happens to fall on a PA day (a Friday when the kids don't attend school) so I'll have to see what I can arrange by way of child care.  Frank is thinking he doesn't need me to be there at the hospital for his infusion, but that kind of makes me feel lonely for him.  I guess it's just a personal thing - I know I'd be pretty depressed myself sitting in a chemo suite for hours feeling dejected as I'm being pumped full with chemicalls that the nurses all double glove and suite up with a rubber smock to administer.  Maybe it's just a guy/girl thing.  Thoughts on that anyone??  On another note, some incredibly sweet and thoughtful neighbour or friend left homemade chicken soup and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on our front porch today and for the life of me, I can't figure out who it was... yet.  They didn't leave a note.  So to whoever left us the delicious treats, thank you very much.  The cookies are absolutely delicious and Frank is looking forward to the soup for lunch tomorrow.  Thank you as well to everyone for keeping us in your prayers and sending positive energy our way.  I have no doubt that is what's making the difference here.  Cards continue to arrive daily and they lift our spirits.  Once again, I am amazed at how incredible our friends, neighbours and family are.  Thank you.  

Andrea, don't forget in your gratitude (and it's wonderful that you are so quick to thank again and again) that you and your family deserve all the prayers and support you get, for no doubt you have done and will do again a million thoughtful and giving acts in your circle and well beyond. Your posts always touch me as a reminder to appreciate and love with all my heart my life and the special people in it. So being part of this post does something for all of us, too. Don't discount that! Giving and receiving both have their good feelings.

As far as Frank not needing you there for his chemo, I have two opinions: One, he may need a few moments with his thoughts. This has a huge effect on your whole family, but if it were me, I would want some quiet time to channel my strength and reflect on what is happening, dig deep to learn something from it, do you know what I mean? As the chemo is being administered, he is very present to that process and it may be a time he wants to focus on thoughts of getting strong and well again. He wants no doubt to be there for you all. And perhaps on some level it's difficult to be cared for all the time when he is used to being the care-taker. And two, maybe he just doesn't want you to have to go through it all every second, knowing how hard it is for you to sit idly by as he suffers. He would want to protect you from that if he could, I would imagine.

Now all that said, I'm totally just throwing how I would feel out there and maybe he feels none of those things. Everyone is different and how we all deal with our challenges and difficulties is personal. I'm sure of one thing though. He would never, ever want you to feel lonely. So see what he says and don't guess. Listen with your ears and your heart. You'll know what to do. You've made it this far! 

Thinking of you and feeling warm that someone brought you anonymous soup and cookies. God bless those neighbors. Don't EVER move. LOL

And Zin, sounds like you were having trouble posting? Any time anyone experiences difficulties on the site, email us shelagh@mylifelist.org or bill@mylifelist.org and we will set the tech hounds on it ASAP. We would never want anyone excluded from supporting or being supported in any of their endeavors. Especially one like this where comfort and well wishes can make all the difference. Thank you!

Andrea, It also might not be that he doesn't want you there, but that he's trying to make it easier for you w/ the kids and not having to find child care.  You guys will figure out what's best for everyone. 

Shea - It was funny.  I posted on Andrea's twice, but when I went to your goal, I got that error again.  I emailed Bill with what it said. 

Hello Andrea,

Just want to let you know I'm thinking about you.  I pray that things are getting better each day. Take care and trust yourself. You are a very good decision maker and I know you and Frank will make the best decisions for  both you and him. Peace and all my best to you.   

Thanks so much EP, Zin and Shea.  Halloween night at our place typically means Frank takes the kids trick or treating and I stay hope to hand out the candy to the kiddies.  We didn't think Frank would be able to handle keeping up with the tradition this season, but he amazed us all.  The kids did go out with a neighbours' children and their parents so they all kept a watchful eye on him to guard against fatigue and collapse and I'm so happy to say that he made it through the entire evening.  The kids were happy and so was he.  Of course, this made me happy too.  Round two of Frank's chemo is coming up this Friday and we're gearing up for that with the requisite trips to the hospital for blood work.  Looking forward to it.  Thanks for checking in on us.

Andrea, sounds like Frank must be feeling a little stronger than you expected! That's wonderful. I'm sure everyone is warning him not to push it, but sometimes rising to the occasion can bring its own energy. Hope you had a face full of candy for yourself! (I know I did.)

We continue to think of you and hold positive thoughts. Friday will be here and gone before you know it. Just take each moment, sounds like last night was worth celebrating. xoxo

Absolutely worth celebrating!  Of course, quality control had to be exercised on the cache once the kids went to bed.  They woke to a very slight difference in the weight of the haul, lol.  I don't think they noticed that we'd picked a few of our favourites.  There is far too much there. Thank you for continuing to think of us and send your positive energy our way.  I know that's what is making the difference here.  I did forget to mention that Frank is heading into round two of his chemo with just a few sprigs of the hair on his head.  He's a hairy guy, why can't he lose it from the rest of his body instead, I wonder??  Anyway, he's thinking he'll just shave the rest off, it's a little bothersome to him.  I just keep saying 'it's temporary... it'll grow back'.  The only other thing that seems to be persisting is an uncomfortable numbness in his legs.  Despite these issues, though, his spirits have improved immensely and some of his strength has returned.  He's able to make some headway with work projects and we're all happy he's back.    

That is making me laugh, Andrea, I'm sorry -- "he's a hairy guy, why can't he lose it from the rest of his body instead." I'm so glad you're starting to find the funny again. It must seem like a million years since you all felt like laughing, I'm happy you're feeling more lighthearted. Wishing you good luck tomorrow and know we're hoping for an easy round. Hopefully all will go as uneventfully as chemo can. xo

You're making me laugh now too Shea.  Yes, we're all feeling a zillion times lighter and happier around here now that we seem to be making some headway with this. The appointment with our regular Oncologist went well today - I love it that he was all smiles today too.  Bloodwork and hemoglobin look good.  We're up for round two tomorrow morning.  Frank's in the shower shaving the sprigs right now - with the hair falling out in his hands, it was driving him a little nuts.  He's a little anxiious about tomorrow's chemo considering the reactions he's had in the past as well as the fact that it is, after all, poison. Necessary poison, we're thinking.  He'll be flying solo in the chemo suite - I'm on full-time duty with the kids tomorrow.  Good news is - after meeting with all the teachers today and reviewing the reports, I must say, I'm amazed at what all the teachers had to say and the reports reflected.  Best ones ever.  Considering what they've just come through these past months, I'm blown away.   

Hi Andrea, just thinking of you and hoping it goes brilliantly today. I'm happy to hear the kids are doing so well, it's amazing how resilient they are. Keep going!

Hey Shea, thanks so much for thinking of us.  I appreciate your note.  Chemo today went as well as can be expected - only four hours this time.  No rigors - yay!!  Frank's just really exhausted, sluggish and weak since then and needing to hydrate continually to flush his system.  I was kept company by such good friends today who came bearing treats and home baked absolutely delectible cookies for the kids and homemade soup for Frank. Colin and Barb are such sweet friends and we appreciate their concern and their time today so much.  Kids went off to bed late tonight (9 is way too late, as far as I'm concerned) as nonna and nonno showed up to stay the weekend.  A little bit of a surprise, but, we'll adjust.  Italian background = food for the ill and right now, my fridge is absolutely overflowing.  I guess they figure we don't have grocery stores nearby, so they just brought the entire fresh produce department with them.  I think Nonna has big cooking plans for our kitchen over the next few days.  Unfortunately, nothing really tastes appetizing to Frank right now.  I just hope nonna isn't offended.  Early to bed for the rest of us tonight for sure. I don't know why I'm so exhausted... I wasn't the one getting the chemo but I feel like I could sleep for a year.   

HI Andrea

It is great that you have people around  you that so supportive.    If things go the way the did last time Frank should start feeling better tomorrow.  Hopefully there will be some of his mom's cooking left over for when he feels like eating.

Remember the clocks go back tonight so you get an extra hour sleep......unless your kids are like mine and just get up an hour earlier.

Hi Andrea, My thoughts are with you. Try to sleep that extra hour tonight. You do sound tired. I hope the grandparents are entertaining the children today so you can relax a bit. Enjoy the "horn of plenty" in your fridge! It reminds me of harvest time with all the food and it"s the perfect season, too. I hope Frank has had a restful day and best wishes for better tomorrow. What a nice tribute to both you and Frank, that your children are able to focus and do their best! Through all of this you have managed to keep them feeling secure and able to achieve, Perfect job! My best to your beautiful family and peace to you. 

Hi Andrea - just checking in to see how things are going.  I hope very well.  The support of those around you is phenomenal.  And, if needed, you shouldn't be afraid to ask for more (though I guess as of last week, you don't need more food).  Don't forget to get in an occasional walk.  While it may sound like something you can't do, it should give you just a bit more energy to get through.  Prayers are with you. 

What's happening, Andrea? I'm hoping you guys are doing well and that's why you haven't been on here. Is Frank feeling a bit of a bounce since the last round of chemo? I'm hoping for good news, wishing good wishes your way.

Finally getting a chance to check in here.  Thank you so much for your support.  Things have been ticking along but that shouldn't mean I'm not here.  I've actually been putting together another goal for my page which should be up soon... the importance of making THE list.  It's amazing how something like what we've been going through over here will change a person's perspective on life.   At this time, we're kind of in limboland, just waiting until the next chemo infusion.  After that, they'll scan Frank to see if all the poison is making a difference on his cancer.  They'll be looking to see if the affected areas are shrinking.  That would be good news.  Frank is currently dealing with a lot of neuropathy (numbness in limbs alternating with burning/itching feelings in his legs and fingers) and general feelings of yuckiness (love my adjectives here) and weakness, but overall, he's in a much improved state than he was previously.  I have no doubt that the current situation is directly related to all the prayers and positive energy everyone has continued to send our way.  I am ceaslessly amazed by the support of our family and friends who continue to check in on us, send cards and notes wishing their best and come by to help us.  The raking party we were hosting last weekend had to be postponed because of snow. SNOW in autumn!  I'm feeling a little ripped off by the snow actually as fall is my favourite time of year.  My awesome cousins were on their way to help us with the mountains of leaves once again, but it looks like they'll make the journey another day.  Zin, you're right... I need to get outside more and enjoy the crisp air and get the blood pumping again for something other than housework.  Thank you for all your kind support and well-wishes.  They really do make the differece.     

Can't wait to see the new goal, Andrea. I'm sure it will inspire so many, as you always do. I know this time has been so trying, but to focus on the future is to let in hope and give it room to grow strong. That, along with the practical support and good wishes from all over the world, arms you for anything that could come your way.

Perspective is everything, and I can't help but think: What would we do when faced with a life-threatening situation?

One of my dear friends from college, today is the one-year anniversary of when we nearly lost her. She went in to have her gall bladder removed and the list of complications was astounding. She posted today on FB that she wishes we are all as grateful for our lives as she is. It's a blessing to realize that life is short, that we are supposed to be happy and do what only each of us can to make the world better.

Use your gifts, enjoy each moment, make a difference. That's where real joy blooms. That's what a good list is made of. :) I know YOU get it, girl!

Regular Oncology appointment today and Frank's hemoglobin is slowly climbing back to normal.  Luckily, all the blood work looks good so we're cleared for round three of treatment tomorrow.  I'm very happy to write that Frank has enjoyed a good week leading into his next round of chemo and improved health overall.  He has gained some of his strength back and some of his weight too.  He still feels weak and shaky after short walks or short periods of physical activity, but he is able to sit at his computer for increasingly longer periods.  He's also still dealing with some neuropathy - numbness in his feet and legs especially that feel like he's on fire at times.  We'll have a better idea of how well the treatment is working after his next CT scan on December 5th.  At that point, they'll also scan his back to see if an enlarged lymph node is pinching a nerve and causing the numbness.  We're still keeping our fingers crossed that all enlarged lymph nodes have shrunk or disappeared completely and if that's the case, just three more treatments and tomorrow will be the half way point. If luck is not on our side and it's not the case, however, they'll likely toss in a couple of extra chemo rounds for good measure (making it 8 in total) and rescan to determine how to proceed. We are continually amazed by our friends, relatives and neighbours who make sure we feel loved, suppored and cared for.  So many of you continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers and indicate we are on your minds by calling, sending cards and notes and helping in so many ways.  Thank you for that.  This process seems to have landed us in a stated of 'altered routine' at this point as we face getting ready for Santa's annual visit.  Happy Thanksgiving to all of our American friends.  We feel so blessed and fortunate for all of you and appreciate how you've all touched our lives.      

so great to hear Andrea...It is wonderful to know that things are starting to turn around for Frank! hopefully the scans will tell some good news as well!
Keep your spirits alive and those goals in the forefront...things are looking up! woohoo!!!

Andrea, thinking of you and hoping Frank had a successful and easy go with the last round. The holidays approaching might be just the happy thing you all need to get you through this time. The joy of children hoping and believing is catchy! Wishing you both rest and strength, and thank you for your updates. You know we're wondering how everything is progressing and sending our best wishes. Keep going! 

Thanks so much for checking in ladies.  It's a big day today.  Frank's having his CT scan to see if the cancer is responding to all the chemo.  Keeping my fingers crossed and praying hard.  He's currently in the kitchen choaking down his second litre of gastrographin (absolutely NASTY stuff) to give them a better image.  I'm absolutely not envious as he's really having a tough time with the stuff.  Since his last chemo, he's been pretty much the same - not much tastes normal to him and he still struggles with the neuropathy.  On a happier note... I finally FINALLY got the tree up today.  Lights are even on.  Just waiting for the kids to come home to finish decorating it.  We're sooo behind this year with all the decorating and stuff.  Just not a lot of Christmas cheer in our home.  Skipping the outdoor decorating this year too.  I'll just focus on making it really pretty in here instead.  Wishing all of you happy holiday preparations.   

Still waiting for results from the CT scan.  I'm hoping that no news is good news and that not hearling from Oncology means that they've found that Frank's Cancer has responded to the chemotherapy in the most positive way... by shrinking or disappearing altogether.  I think we'll know more on Thursday when we meet with our regular Oncologist.  Round four of chemo is scheduled for Friday.  The timing actually worked out really well for this upcoming round.  Frank'll have his treatment on Friday and that'll give him some time to recover before Christmas.  His next round won't be until after the holidays.  Couldn't have asked for better timing actually.  I don't think I mentioned it in an earlier post, but I was so touched by the sweet nurses at the Oncology Department of our hospital.  While Frank was receiving his last treatment and had drifted off into a drug induced nap, two nurses brought me to a room stocked with brand new toys and art supplies and offered for me to pick something for each of our children.  Apparently they do this every year at Christmastime to help families of Oncology patients.  Local business and stores along with private donars had filled the shelves in this storeroom.  I was amazed.  So, the boys are each getting a new Lego set which I know they'll enjoy and Natalina, a new stuffed puppy.  I absolutely love that she's 10 and still plays with stuffed animals.  As I'm typing this, tears are again welling up once again in my eyes.  The kindness and generosity of our friends, relatives and neighbours is amazing.  The kindness and generosity of complete strangers is truly overwhelming.    

Oh HAPPY DAY today!!  Such fantastic news couldn't have come at a better time too. Christmas is just around the corner and my birthday is next week.  What an incredible gift. We went for Frank's regular Oncology appointment today.  His Doc had a huge smile when he came into the exam room which, in turn, made my heart leap with hope and anticipation.  He was genuinely happy to share that Frank's CT scan results indicate that his swollen lymph nodes have shrunk, or seem to be shrinking, in response to the chemotherapy.  He also mentioned that Frank's blood levels are all recovering quickly too - quicker than he expected.  So happy for good news after such an incredibly difficult leg of the journey through this forest.  I think I just might see a light through the trees.  A quick silent prayer of 'Thanks'  was all I could manage because my heart felt like it was bursting. Overjoyed, filled with gratitude and overwhelming relief. All I could manage to Frank was 'Merry Merry Christmas' as I was trying to control the tears of joy in front of our Oncologist. He went on to indiate that the CT scan also shows that one of the discs in Frank's spine has slipped and could be what's causing a lot of the numbness and pain in his legs that we'd attributed to the chemotherapy.  A neurologist appointment is being arranged.  I actually didn't realize just how much waiting for these results had been weighing on me until we were headed back to the car.  Anyone witnessing that trip must have been thinking 'What an emotional wreck' as rivers of relief, gratitude and happiness overflowed and burst the dams my eyes were trying to hold together.  Thank you a million times over to everyone who has kept us in their thoughts and prayers.  Three more rounds of chemo (instead of five) and hopefully, he'll get to ring that bell.  Oncology patients ring a huge bell once they've received their last infusion.  Everyone in the oncology suite celebrates with them with cheers and a round of applause. Can't wait for that day.  Next round is tomorrow.  Hoping for a smooth easy infusion. Tonight though, we're just overjoyed and I really wanted to share this good news with our friends and relatives who keep checking in on us.      

 Hi ho, hi ho... it's off to chemo we go. 

Andrea, I'm so absolutely thrilled to hear that you have received such good news. Reading your last post brought tears of joy and relief. Your strength and spirit are an inspiration. Please give my best to Frank and I'm so looking forward to seeing you both in Boston for the Life Listers Ball in February. Put it in your list!

Hey Bill, thanks so much for this reminder.  Man, time sure flies.  Has it been a full year already?  It seems that it was just yesterday that the contest closed, but then again, it seems like it was a lifetime ago too considering all that's happened in the past year.  All ready to gear up for the new contest?  Fantastic.  I'll absolutely put it on the list.  Timing wise though, I not sure if Frank'll be cleared for travelling yet, but I have learned to believe in miracles.     

Christmastime.  The season is always busy and I'm invariably reminded of my childhood at this time of year.  The anticiaption.  The overwhelming excitiment and the energy that just seems to grow and mount as the countdown begins and the days creep closer to the 25th. The  bustle and hustle and hurried steps of everyone out shopping at the stores and so focused on getting everything done in time.  So many deadlines to meet coming up to the holdiays and now, a couple of days after Santa has left his treasures, the kids have wound down a bit and worn themselves out (the family is happily building new Lego sets as I write), the pressure has been relieved a little, the festivities have cooled to allow some quiet refection on the events of the past days and the true meaning of Christmas. I've been given such an incredible gift this seaon.  Our whole family has truly been given a miracle.  Only a handful of weeks ago and I wouldn't have believed we'd be enjoying such wonderful times spent together with our family and friends.  Our nightmare of hospitals and tests, injections, medicines and waiting actually seems like a lifetime ago but really, it wasn't that far back and really, it could have gone a whole other direction. At the time that we were trudging through all those dark days, I didn't look ahead to grasp that our holidays could very well have been spent running back and forth to a hospital room instead of just back and forth to the grocery store or the gift shops.  Waiting in lineups at the stores or in the stopped traffic on the highways while trying to travel to places to be with our friends and family is a most welcome wait compared to waiting for test results indicating if Frank's treatments would end soon or continue indefinitely or be altered to a different course.  I am once again reminded of how fortunate we all are and so very thankful for the opportunity to enjoy the true blessings in our lives:  our faith, our family, our health.  Wishing you a wonderful holiday season and may the new year bring increased faith, continued or imporved heath and incredible fellowship to your life as well. I almost stopped writing there but realize that I've been reminded that it's resolution time again.  Just like I've always loved a clean slate on a Monday, I especially love the clean larger slate of a brand spanking new year.  It's perfect.  I love this time of year too.  It's a great time to reflect and to figure out what areas of my life I'd like to change and how best to do that.  It's a chance to write a new chapter.  To make a difference.  To face something, a few smaller things or a couple of larger things or maybe even a giant one and to make a commitment to those goals.  I smaller items are puzzles and I need to figure out the best way to solve them.  The giant one is a dragon and the best way to slay that is to break that goal down into smaller, less intimidating goals.   My last year's dragon goal started off great but got derailed midway with Frank's cancer diagnosis and all that went along with that.  It's time to refocus and recommit.  This upcoming year is THE year regardless of chemo treatments and hospital/doctor waits.  There really are no excuses.  My obstacle is my own self, my own mind.  The dragon will be slain this year by my next birthday.  That is my commitment here once again.  Ok, now to think about how best to go about making that happen...             

Hey Andrea, Happy New Year! I like your clean slate approach. Open to new ideas is a great way to think. It carries a peace with it that allows for the space  we need to go into a challege with resolve. You and your family remain in my prayers and I hope the new year brings only the joy and peace you deserve. My best wishes to you, Andrea. 

Hi EP, thanks so much for checking in on us and keeping us in your prayers and for your kind words too.  We are not quite out of the woods yet, but that light is becoming brighter and I'm so looking forward to the word 'remission' from our Oncologist.  Very hopeful.  Just two treatments away and the next one is this upcoming Friday.  The kids are still home for the holdiays so I won't be staying in the hospital with him this time around.  I always feel like I'm abandoning him if I can't stay (it's happened one other time where I couldn't be there and instead, I spent the entire time wracked with guilt).  He seems to not mind being there on his own at all though.  He has access to the internet, a phone and he always brings a Sudoku game to keep him occupied.  He usually drifts in and out of sleep while he's being infused because they give him a heafty dose of demerol to begin with, but I just know I'd be feeling so forlorn if the roles were reversed.  I will absolutely be there for that last treament though and can't wait to record him ringing that bell signifiying the end of his chemo.  Yay!  End of chemo!  That will be an awesome day.  Seems like this process has been taking an eternity.  We're desperately trying to keep focused on how close we're coming to the end instead of how crappy the chemo is making him feel.  He's lost all of his hair at this point and is still trying to manage the neuropathy.  Numbness in his legs, feet and hands are particularily bothersome - especially in the middle of the night. What hair has come back is patchy and looking grey.  He had such beautiful dark hair and I think that may not return with the dark colour.  The gorgeous thick and long eyelashes I married him for are almost all gone now along with most of his eyebrows.   Also, for any of you who've met Frank, you all know why he doesn't wear sweaters or sweatshirts...ever.  Or even long sleaved shirts, for that matter.  I don't think his body has been this hairless since maybe his 4th grade.  Very different and takes a bit of getting used to.   The good news though is that all those beautiful sweaters and flannel shirts I love in the winter are getting some use and at times he says his food tastes more normal and even enjoyable.  This is a huge improvement and he's been able to gain some strength and weight back.  Of course, that happens just in time for the next round of chemo.  No worries though, he's almost done.  Apparently, it could take a year or even longer for his body to recover from the poison that kills the cancer, but we are so grateful that he'll have a chance to recover at all and begin to rebuild his life.  I'm reminded that so many others are not so fortunate and send my heart and prayers to those who have lost loved ones to this demon.  

Good News, Andrea.  Your family is almost there!  Continued prayers your way that the progress continues. 

Don't take it too badly that you can't be there with him.  I'm sure he knows you would, if you could.  And, I'm sure you will if you can work it out. 

God bless!

Hey Andrea, All good to hear. My best to Frank as he nears the home stretch. You have managed an incredible journey and all the family involved. Hope and pray for the good times to come. I work with a friend who underwent stemcell transplant from herself and she kicked multiple myoloma into remission! The times have changed for the better! It took her one year to be back at work. Praying for the best! Always my best to you, Andrea!   

Thanks so much for your encouragement.  Frank took my daughter with him to the hospital today for his bloodwork and to meet the Oncologist who has helped us along this journey. She is happy to get a chance to thank him.  EP, so happy to read your friend's story of triumph.  Stem cell transplant was looking like it might have been the next step (and final shot) if we didn't see a good response from his current line of treatment.  Very radical proceedure.  Thankfully, they have treatments that save so many these days.  Very best to your friend from us.  Three more weeks and a day and then a CT scan to see good news.  I think I might glimpse a rainbow glistening through those trees ahead.  I may even hear the rush of a waterfall.    

A few days in now since the last treatment and hubby is feeling crappy and tired but the drugs he needs to take for the first ten days keep him up.  Hoping to see some relief from the nausea over the next few days.  One more treatment left.  Whew.  

How's this one going, Andrea? I think it's great that you and Frank were able to get out for coffee. Hopefully there are many more moments of relaxation ahead, and then some!

 Hi Shea, thanks for your note.  I was holding off posting here because aside from that hour or so we spent in the coffee shop - which was awesome, there really has not been anything positive to post.  Unfortunately, the cumulative effects of the chemo are taking their toll on Frank.  Nothing tastes very good for him right now, a lot of neuropahy is making him a little nuts, he now has all kinds of canker sores in his mouth.  Almost completely hairless now and he seems to be either nauseated or exhausted.  We are counting down the days to his final treatment.  The kids happen to have another Professional Development day that day and will not be in school.  I think what I might have to do is drop him off for his treatment and then return with the kids just as he is finishing up so I can snap a picture and video him ringing that blasted chemo bell.  Yay! We are all really looking forward to bell-ringing day and it just happens that the kids can be part of it too.  That kind of worked out actually.  Now, I just have to keep him healthy.  Some seriously nasty bugs are making the rounds at the school and it looks like one of the kids is coming down with something.  Should Frank pick it up, it would mean a delay in that final treatment.  Thanks so much for keeping us in your thoughts.

I am sending all my energy to you both, as you come into this stretch of "bug season".  I know how stressful it can be, hoping that your compromised family member doesn't get what is going around.  Be vigilant with the hand washing and clorox wiping.......and in my opinion, opening the windows and blasting the house with cold fresh air every few days helps as well (while Frank is tucked away somewhere else for a little while...brrrrrr)

I am sure you have looked into this, but there is a product here that "covers" the canker soar for a little while, offering some relief.  I will get the name of it later today if you would like.  The other product is called Canka, which is a numbing agent.  We used them for Matthew when his system was breaking down and his mouth was full of canker sores all the time. 

My thoughts are with you as you defeat this.

Hey Robin, thanks for your note.  I know you understand how challenging it is juggling hospitals and doctors and all the emotions that go along with the uncertainty in addition to the demands of a larger family.  I appreciate your support so much as well as everyone's prayers and positive energy.  This Cancer (and I guess it can be said for any illness, really) is affecting us in so many ways and I'm trying so hard not to let it affect my attitude.  I used to try to lift Frank's spirits too, but it's to the point now where he's just uncomfortable and miserable all the time and he gets frustrated and angry at my attempts to look on the positive side.  I know he doesn't mean to lose patience, but he's going through such crap right now.  It's really difficult to witness each day and I have to hand it to him, despite the overwhelming discomfort, he's trying so hard to stick to as much 'normalcy' as he can.  It was nice on the weekend for a bit too and I forgot to mention this as it was a shining moment.  The twins had a friend over for a couple of hours and Frank actually managed to get the snowmobile out to give them a quick ride around the property.  It was another candid moment.  For the most part though, his spirits are critically low once again.  Many different things are causing him pain and discomfort.  I'm just praying that he stays healthy enough for his last treatment.  And that it actually is his last treatment.  Once it's done, another CT scan will tell us if there is any Cancer left.  I'm praying that this treatment will annihilate both of his lymphomas.  The kids are all diligent about the hand washing and I have them change when they come home from school. The extra laundry is worth the reduced risk.  Frank and I made the mistate of watching the movie 50/50 over the weekend.  We thought it would be ok because the ending is positive but it tuned out to be an unwise choice because one of the oncology patients in the group is also a stage three lymphoma patient and later on, he actually dies in the movie.  Man, I wish I had know that.  It was, however, Frank's pick.  Whew.  I would have felt guilty forever if it had been my pick.  Anyway, thanks for listening and I appreciate the tip about the canker product.  I'll head to the drug store later on after the doctor.  

Andrea, Hang in there. You have come so far and I'm sure the fear of hope is weighing on Frank. Ring that bell. 

Andrea...u are an amazing person, and know that Frank is grateful for everything that you do for him...even if he is frustrated. Be sure to do something for yourself as well to keep yourself sane...whether that is having a nice bubble bath, or going for a walk to clear your head. It is important that you take care of you, along with the rest of the family.  Keep those spirits alive...and know that we are all thinking about you! As Bill said...Ring that Bell!!!

 Yep, we're hanging in there Bill.  A week to go to ringing that bell.  Heather, yes, I do take that time to enjoy the coffee (instead of smelling the roses at this time of year).  Thanks for checking in on us. 

I'm sure Frank is just frustrated at his cancer, and not at you!  You are the safe place to take it out on, though.  And, know that, in the end all of your support, including your positive energy is much appreciated by him. 

You are both going to pull through this aweful process with flying colors!

Ding-A-Ling!

So here we are, almost at the edge of the forest.  Finally after trudging through the depths of the darkness, battling so many unknowns and waiting forever in the swampland for diagnoses, medicines, sugeries, transfusions and test results... for what seemed like forever, my heart is leaping now because I'm sure we're coming to the end of the trees. Getting our lives back to normal (or what used to be normal before this all hit us smack out of nowhere) is that rainbow valley view I've tried to keep at the forefront of my imagination during these challenging months.  At this point though, I can only hear that beautiful waterfall ahead through these last trees.  I know it's there though and that makes all the difference for me because I know it's possible.  There is hope yet.  We just have to get through this last leg of the journey.   Frank is at the hosptial now getting his final infusion.  The visit with the Oncologist yesterday went well despite the hours of waiting.  His blood counts are looking good and his hemoglobin, miraculously, is almost normal despite the litres of poison they continue to pump into his blood on a regular basis.  Unfortunately, heading into this infusion, he was still feeling crappy from the last round, but the main thing needs to be kept the main thing:  this IS THE LAST ONE!!! (That's me expressing absolute exuberance and jumping up and down with glee)  Our Oncologist confirmed that yesterday.  He'll have another CT scan on February 6th to determine if further treatment is necessary or if he can be declared officially in remission.  I'll keep praying for that miracle. I'm looking forward to returning this afternoon with all the kids and the posters they've secretly made for him to celebrate this moment... when he rings that blasted bell.  THAT will definitely be a moment to capture.

 The Day After.  Frank feels like complete crap but he's a trooper.  As I write, he's overseeing the construction of an igloo outside with the kids - hopefully, the fresh air and exercie will restore his spirits.  I posted our triumphant moment:  the ringing of the blasted bell signifiying the end of the chemo.  He rang it REALLY loudly so everyone could hear.  I'm so happy to close this chapter and begin a new one:  Remission.  Hoping that is what will be indicated to us after the CT scan on February 6th.  He begins the first of ten Nupigen injections today to regulate his white blood cell counts and continues for the next three days on Prednozone and Ondancitron to help with the nausea.  

YEAH!!!! Love the picture and love to know that the bell has been rung! The signs are a lovely addition to the success as well. I know that Frank still has a long road to go...and with his strong willpower, i know that there will be success. And an IGLOO!!!! I am jealous...the snow just does not want to stick here in downtown TO...I guess I will have to head up to your neck of the woods to enjoy the winter. Wishing you and the family all the best, and know that there is a lot of love and support surrounding you. xoxo

 Congratulations to Sir Frank from all of us.  We all wish your family the very best in his recovery.  What a perfect picture.

Those are some very happy faces in that photo, and it brought a big lump to my throat, because to see such joy in such circumstances only shows the love you all have for each other.  My thoughts are with you as you await the date for the CT scan.  I hope he starts feeling much better very soon.

 It was so nice to see all of you today.  Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.

Andrea, I can't tell you how happy I am to see that photo, your whole family there to enjoy that life-affirming moment. Brought tears to my eyes. Wishing a clear path ahead for you all without any further concerns. Time for a break, my dear. You did amazing. AND somehow, in the midst of it, managed to win the 21-Day Challenge. You are a wonder. Congratulations, we'll be sending out the notice in the next few days. Great job, despite horrendous circumstances. You have so much to be proud of, and even more to look forward to.

Hey Shea, thanks for your note.  I was reading through the entries on this goal earlier today and was reminded of just how much of a wilderness experience this journey has been.  Words can't convey our happiness to have made it to the road out of hell.  It is joy and relief that you see on all of our faces in that shot.    I'm not one to share photos, especially those of the children, but so many people have been involved with supporting us and giving us strengh, encouragement and love through these months, that I felt it was important.  Thankfully, this is a safe place to share and for that, I appreciate this website so much.  Having a place to journal all of this and to receive the outpouring of compassion, hope and positive energy from everyone's posts, literally has saved me when the darkness seemed unending.  

Wanted to check in to see how the CT went...  Praying for the best news!

 CT's behind us know.  I'm crossing my fingers and toes that that was the last thing.  We need to wait for resutls before they'll remove his piq line and give him a yay or nay about further treatment.  Thanks for checking in.  Right now, the priority is to keep him from catching this bug.

How long did they say it would take for the results?  I am sending all my postitve thoughts your way :-)

 Hi Robin.  Thanks for checking in.  No word yet.  Waiting for results is maddening.  Unfortunately, we're all sick here, including Frank, I'm afraid.  Very bad timing for him as his immunity is so compromised right now.  Thank you kindly for your continued support and encouragement.  We're still keeping our fingers and toes crossed.  

Any results?  I'm a little frustrated it's taking so long (I work for radiologists).  Though, I'm sure it's nothing compared to your waiting....

Fingers and toes crossed here, too.  Hope you're all starting to feel better.  And, praying for fantastic results for Frank!

 Thanks Zin.  Still no word.  Frustration!  ARRRGGG - just waiting for this last thing and hopefully, we'll be in the clear.  What a process.  If all goes well and we get good news, I know Frank will be sooooo happy to get his piq line removed.  He's so looking forward to that.  Thanks for keeping your fingers and toes crossed for us too.  ; )  Looking at booking a week to ten days in the Dominican Republic to celebrate remission.  Yay.  The rainbow valley view will change to a beach and ocean view.  I'm good with that.  

183 Days.  That is how long our Cancer journey was.  From the day we received Frank's initial lymphoma diagnosis to this last day.  This is a spectacular day.  Few words rank with the emotion this one packs for us:  Remission.  I can't tell you how fantastic it is to say it, to write it, to key it here, to think it.  'Remission' means we can start to put the pieces of our lives back together again.  Words can't describe how thankful we are to even have the chance to close the Cancer chapter and begin the recovery chapter.  For a while there, it looked like we just weren't going to get the opportunity.  Today, at our Oncology oppointment, our doctor was so happy to give us the good news about his remission.  He also shared that Frank's body is, in fact, recovering already.  His hemoglobin and blood cell counts have all returned to normal.  The nodes under his arm and throughout the rest of his body have shrunk based on the CT results.  There is a bit of scarring, but nothing he says to worry about.  He was so sure no further treatment is required, he had a nurse remove Frank's PICC line today.  So we left the hospital almost skipping to the car giddy like schoolchildren about our good fortune.  Over the next few months, Frank can begin to recover his strength and health, his business, his vitality.  We can begin to return to our regular routines.  Man, there is such security in routine.  I absolutely LOVE routine.  I'm so looking forward to getting things back to normal and not having nurses stop in, take blood, the endless trips to the hospital and the waiting, waiting, and more waiting.  I'm especially loving that he won't have to inject himself any longer and no one will miss the endless waits for results of tests that seem endless as well.  Remission means so much:  recover, rebuild, revitalize, renew, rethink, absolutely reprioritize... but most of all... relief.  And thankfulness.  We are all blessed in so many incredible ways and I can't say it enough... your prayers, positive energy and words of encouragement through your messages here, on my personal e-mail, facebook, our phone, in person and through the mail have all made a difference for us.  Thank you for your continued support through this process.  It has been an incredible journey.  Without you, we wouldn't have made it through this forest.  Today we really do get to look out over the valley to the rainbow view and shout from the clifftop:  Remission!   How incredible is that?  

Andrea, its time to celebrate this miracle. I'm absolutely thrilled and relieved to be reading the word Remission. To all of us who have followed your journey, your openness and courage through this is an inspiration to all who face challenges and overcome them with grace and composure, despite overwhelming odds. Thank you for allowing us to participate in your journey and allowing us a personal look into the impact that this has had on Frank, you and your family. Your story will serve as important reminder to never stop believing in miracles. 

Yay, Yay, Yay!!!!!!!!!!

Completely and totally incredible.  Andrea, I'm literally crying with happiness for your family. 

God Bless!!!

just catching up on my readings...and everyones' posts...yeah Andrea! Am so glad that things are going well...this is a celebration!

 Maybe just a few more updates here and I'll post this as a story.  Recovery from the chemo is super slow it seems.  Still dealing with some neuropathy and a lot of weakness.  Now and then though, there are spurts of energy indicating that all will return to normal one day soon.  Unfortunately, between the two of us right now, I'm the sicker one.  Still trying to recover from this pneumonia.

So, so, so, so so, so HAPPY  for you, Frank and the kids :-)

While I am sure you are all very anxiously awaiting for things to get back to "normal" , be patient, for the road  of recovery requires lots of rest and maintenance to get the best results.     

Yay for you all!!!!

 Thanks Robin and everyone else checking in too.  Frank is beginning to feel more normal with each passing day now.  The nausea has passed completely now and his skin is starting to look a healthier color and texture.  His hair is coming in something fierce too and he's beginning to take on that part-garilla quality that took me a year to get used to when we first got together.  It's nice to hear him laughing and see him smiling again.  I just wish I felt stronger.  Thanks for the comment you left on my other goal Robin.  Three months, eh... man.  Once you've had it once, does it make you more likely to have it again?

 Robin, I just reread your post and you're soooo right... getting back to normal is requiring a tonne of patience.  Frank continues to make strides to better health though.  He seems to have some good days and then a not so great one that will have us both worried that things are backsliding.  The neuropathy seems to persist and at times, makes him a little crazy, but overall, he seems to be doing much better.  He turns 40 in May and next weekend, we've got a surprise party planned for him with his family.  He'll celebrate his age and this milestone and his dad turns 90.  Incredible to think that his dad was 50 when he was born.  I can't imagine having another baby in ten more years.  Anyway, today is Easter.  Happy Easter to everyone who has followed our journey, to all our friends and family, neighbours and virtual strangers who have lifted us up and carried us (at times) through this experience.  We remain eternally grateful and pray daily for his remission status to remain unchanged.